Dr.D, the guard and the fly

The terrific trifecta superheroes have got my wife and I out of a jam on many occasions and I would like to admit that we’re not proud of resorting to such deceptive strategies; in our defence it’s one way of remaining sane as N keeps us on our toes all the time. I am not sure about B, but I for sure have self certified myself as a professional ballerina. Kids are way smarter than we think and currently N is making 700+ synaptic connections per second, so it won't be long before she calls our bluff. We need to be prepared and up our game, for now we are milking this until the cows come home.

Introductions

Dr. D, is N's pediatrician and we’ve made her believe that he sits in our lobby with an injection, waiting to be called upon when there is an issue with lack of food consumption, when screen time gets to be excessive or toys need to be picked up. Video calls are also made to him, when there is a fuss created to hydrate; we use a picture off the Internet. We almost got caught when N asked the doctor to clap for her, we were saved thanks to the sudden WiFi disruption caused by ‘The Guard’.

The Guard, is the security in the lobby and N believes he is in charge of the duration of time spent bathing/showering. He is also responsible for the sudden disruption of the WiFi.

The Fly, aka housefly, is the designated diaper inspector and makes its presence felt when diapers are not put on after a bath. Some habits are genetically encoded and she gets this from me. I’ve had my share of idiosyncrasies which drove people up the wall; my post “old man”, "Things I eat and how" are just the tip of the Iceberg, I guess what they say is true, what goes around comes around. Karma at its best.

I know that the D-day will come and we will no longer be able to get away with distractions and stories, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

B and I are still learning and we will probably make all the mistakes possible, for now we will use these superheroes to bail us out, in time we will have to stop outsourcing; replace the terrific trio and become the dynamic duo.

Wonder Years

This year my eldest sister who is 8 years older than I, will soon reach a significant milestone in her life. She gets highly infuriated when I mention her age and I, like any good brother would do, respect that and do not mention her age. This year I celebrated my 42nd birthday.

I am sure you've probably heard the phrase third time's the charm, which explains my parents quest for perfection and why they stopped trying, when I was born. If you ever ask my sisters, they will grudgingly admit, kneeling down with their arms outstretched praying for 'me'. This explains the immense love my sisters showered on me as a child.

To quote a few, my eldest sister just happened to role play a scene from a hindi movie and left me at the doorstep in the neighbouring building or how I was accidentally dropped a couple of times or the time, in the guise of giving me a haircut my eyebrow was 'accidently' snipped off. I am not saying these were attempts to get rid of me, I am just pointing out sheer string of coincidences that point to that train of thought.

Being the only boy was like being the only child as I was way younger than my sisters. I however was included in some of their games and I got to play several important leading roles; like the detective dog in Famous Five, the beggar child and a lamp post. I also played the part of the errand boy and a walking uber for their friends when they had parties.

Mind you, on a few occasions, I have repaid the stoic spiritual sacrifice of my sisters by ensuring fame to my eldest sister by dressing up as Mary Lou Retton and performed a flawless somersault in front of her friends or the time I selflessly allowed my other sister, the one who is not light-years older than I, to read my college classic literature books. She was so grateful that she gave me her limited stock of bendy straws and blank cassettes. I deny any mention of a barter system involved.

I also splurged my hard earned shady sticker business money on a delicious Chinese meal and monster chips, which was highly appreciated, consumed with delight and then spewed moments later. I was appalled and tried to extort a refund, as she did not care to hold it down until it was digested. The fact that she was seriously ill was irrelevant at that time.

Over the years my relationship with my sisters has improved considerably; I say this with conviction as I am still alive. My eldest sister who is still 26.3 years on Mars and has become wiser and more spiritual and my other sister has become a multi skilled, meticulous, talented mother. I for one will always be a reminder that God does have a sense of humour.

Then & Now

Then and Now

A lot has changed over time, some traditions still followed and new ones created. "When I was your age" has been used across the seven seas in different languages. Every time I heard these 5 words, I would roll my eyes and think "there we go again", little did I know that I would be mouthing these words decades later. These 5 words, I am sure have been passed down from generation to generation and will be time immemorial. 

Folklore has stated that the 1st known episode was approximately 4.2 million years ago, give or take a few hundred years. One scorching day a young Australopithecus was complaining how hot it was and how his feet hurt, he was immediately silenced by his grandfather who said "oook waup yau ra, dogoi trog neu lo, wangum talya au melidima grote Ra einsgp" roughly translates to when I was your age, I used to walk twice the distance in the land of a 100 suns and you complain...pfft.

Fast forward to 2021, my two going on twenty daughter was refusing to eat unless she got to hear "when you're happy and you know it, clap your hands". A song I have heard so many times, I involuntary start clapping whenever I hear the word 'happy'. For those of you who are reading this and thinking, If I had a child I'd never let that happen, I wish you good luck. The fact is a child is just being a child and he/she will imitate what they see, it is for us to understand and adapt. Screen time is not bad as long as it does not get to be excessive.

When I was young we didn’t have distractions and we had no choice but to use our imagination to have fun, we slept a lot better and ate what was cooked at home. Everything that we take for granted today was a luxury back then. We can’t really blame anyone for not being more patient, demanding or grateful, as we are drowning in an abyss of choices. Everything is available at a click of a button.

I wonder what "When I was your age" pearls of wisdom lil N will impart when she is older?. I bet that the disruption caused by Covid, will be right on top of the list.

It all boils down to a simple theory of demand and supply. It could be anything under the sun, the more you have the less you appreciate it and "Yes" that includes money too. Unfortunately, we realise what we have only once it is scarce. We need to appreciate what we have and 'live' in the present, as the past can't be undone and the future will always be a step away.

Last year I digitally detoxified and deleted my facebook and Instagram account, as I personally felt it was more of a distraction for me rather than a medium to connect with family and friends. However, technology when used wisely is a boon. Today we can easily connect, share our thoughts, pictures with anyone instantly. I have been working from home for the past 1 year, this would not have been possible 20 years ago.

This brings me back to appreciating what we have rather than focusing on how this pandemic has disrupted our schedule. I've always believed that things happen for a reason and although it may not be clear now it will all make sense later. Patience is a virtue and I try each day to live by it.

Twenty Twenty One

 Twenty Twenty One

Attempt #16 ...Gone are the days when I could just sit down and write. You would probably say, I need to get more organized and plan better, however writing cannot be planned, well atleast not for me. I write when my mind is relaxed and currently I've got 4 hamsters high on energy, working that wheel.

The 2020 pandemic reorganized the world over the course of a few months and we have started to live the "New Normal" now. It's been a year and we have successfully adapted. A lot of things that were deemed impossible, overnight became a possibility; such as 100% Work From Home in certain sectors, the "Need" to have maids, 90%+ online payments, the need to wear pants everyday or shave regularly, the list goes on. 

We are fettered by tradition and the 'tried and tested' ideologies. We rarely challenge and push boundaries. They say when push comes to shove, we discover potential.

Most people get too comfortable, both professionally and personally and are afraid to rock the boat...I ask why not? but if you are going to, then you better know/learn how to swim.

Personally it has been a rewarding experience getting to see my daughter grow. The simplicity at the way she looks at life makes me appreciate what I have so much more. Just the other day, the delivery agent came with a box of pampers and she squealed in delight and thanked me profusely, it's like I had given her the world on a diamond encrusted platinum platter.

As kids we appreciate the simplicity of life and as we grow, most of us lose that innocence and fall prey to the materialistic world. We then define success and "happiness" by the number of international stamps on our passport and the wealth we possess. Society reinforces this delusion through advertising.

2020 changed all of that to some extent, there was ban on travel and entertainment. Most places did not allow maids to enter gated communities. People had to adapt quickly and most were able to transition quickly. Some people learned new crafts and some caught up on all the sleep they missed in the previous years. I for one learned new ways of annoying my wife and the art of hiding in plain sight.

This pandemic has eviscerated the lives of many families. People curse the virus, the government, the situation they are in. However when you come to think about how it has survived so long and continues to run amok, it is due to our inability to follow rules. We continue to push boundaries and fail to be responsible. Will we ever be able to all follow rules ? The answer is a bitter pill to swallow.

I look at this period as an opportunity for us to make the best of what we have. We may not be able to change a lot, what we can do is change the way we see the world.

Update 2.1

It has been a long time since I posted anything on my blog. I have been busy, very busy. I finally managed to squeeze in some 'Me time' to share an update on my life.

For those who do not know, the last 26 months has been very interesting, exciting and dramatic. I rose from the abyss of melancholia to immeasurable euphoria; each event scripted by destiny.

My blind faith and trust in God, led me to my soul mate and best friend B 26 months ago.

This is how my life unfolded:

Met – Proposed (7 months later) – Engaged (2 months later) – Married (3 months later) – Baby (10 months later*) – I waited for a month. Little N is almost 5 months and is a bundle of Joy,and Oh boy!

B is holding on to sanity by a thread and I can't wait to give her a much deserved break.

Life is full of twists and turns and surprises, just when I had lost all hope, life handed me an Express Pass to paradise. I am grateful for everything I have received and cherish each day.

Amidst all this organised chaos, I moved residence and set up my place. 2018 – 2019 was the busiest I have ever been in my entire life.

My family and B’s family have been extremely supportive, and I can’t thank them enough. Life is beautiful, and I want it to stay that way.

I have so many stories to tell and experiences to share, I shall write soon… Till we meet again Adios!

Things I EAT and HOW

This is an exhaustive list of most of the things I eat. I have been very careful to include, how I like to eat certain types of food. This list was created especially for people who care to cook for me or care to host me. I would never insist on anyone pandering to these conditions, I would just politely refuse to eat if I do not like something or I would place my own order.

I do not like to Share food however, if I have company I will offer, and  if you choose to eat, please make sure that you take the food in your own plate, using an untouched fork or spoon or use the serving spoon.

Breakfast

Eggs (fried on both sides); the yolk should be fried.
Egg white fried
Pork or chicken cocktail Sausages, Bacon, Salami (pork)
Bread white/Brown – Needs to be soft
Amul Butter or President butter.
Cheese Amul, Britannia, Cheddar, (block cheese only) needs to be grated.
Cheese Grilled sandwiches
Sandwiches may contain fried pork / chicken sausages and bacon.
Cheese Sada Dosa or Butter Sada Dosa, Medhu Vada (Indian donuts) no gravy / sauces
French fries, potato wedges, hash browns

Starters

All chicken, Mutton and fish starters, except prawns, lobster, or any shell fish
Some of my favorite are Chicken tikka, Chicken tangdi Kabab, Tandoori chicken
Schezwan tandoori chicken, Mutton / chicken Seekh kebab + other starters such as

Chilly Chicken dry, Manchurian chicken dry, Chicken Satay, Crispy Thread chicken
Chicken lollipops / Apple chicken

Fried Fish, Pomfret fry, Fish Koliwada, Bombils, Fish and chips

Main Course
Chicken Kadai, Angara, Patalia, Butter Chicken, Chicken Kolhapuri
Chicken Tikka Masala + other chicken dishes. Beef or chicken crumb chops with mashed potatoes and grilled vegetables

Butter nans, roomali rotis, butter rotis, Chapattis, phulkas with butter

Chicken Hakka Noodles, Chicken fried rice
Burnt chilly chicken fried rice, Szechuan Chicken Hakka noodles
Szechuan Chicken fried rice, Chicken Manchurian, Chilly chicken and some other Chinese gravies. (DO NOT LIKE SWEET Gravies)

Any Fish curry spicy or tangy
Jeera Rice, White Basmati rice (grains should be separated)
Dal (only at home), Roast Beef (only at home) or certain restaurants.

Burgers

Should contain only the bread, Burger Pattie (Beef) cheese and butter, no other ingredients or sauces

Pizza

The Base dough + Cheese + Meat ONLY – No pizza sauces of any kind
example: Quattro Fromaggi

Snacks
Mutton patties (A1 bakery), Cheese puffs, Cheese croissants, Chicken lollypops
Chicken shorema with chicken and fried potatoes only, Chicken Frankie with chicken and onions only, Potato bajjias

Vegetables: - OH Yes! I Do Eat Vegetables!!!

Onion, cucumbers, lettuce, green beans, carrots spinach, broccoli, zucchini, eggplant slices (fried in batter)

Stir Fry veggies or Grilled... Not the cooked kind as in vegetable dishes.

Juices
Orange, Sweet lime, Watermelon, Apple, Mango and Grape

Fruits
Watermelon, Plums, Pears, Apples (crunchy, not the cotton textured ones)
Grapes, Strawberries, Blue berries. Any berries and cherries
Oranges, and Pineapple 

What I DO NOT like: I have mentioned it a couple of times throughout this post.

NO SAUCES: White sauce, pizza sauce ....Only pepper sauce on a sizzler is cool.

No Ketchup, chutney, or mince 

Gastronomical Idiosyncrasies and the X files

People have often asked me about my food habits and I have either directed them to a detailed list of the things I eat, click here --> THINGS I EAT and HOW OR  I have referred them to the No touching Brumotactillophobia post I wrote a couple of years ago. Link: Brumotactillophobia

I however have failed to mention a very important caveat in this whole food conundrum. I do eat everything on the list I have provided, however the way I eat is what I have failed to mention, this leaves the people who wish to bring me some food stumped when I tell them I would not be able to eat what they bring, although it is something that I had mentioned on the list.

I am a 100% sure that you are either confused or have the Oh! Heavens expression, So if you are brave enough to understand what I mean and wish to read further …or let me put it into context, if you have absolutely nothing to do in life and my post is the only source to kill time, post counting the spots on the wall, watching paint dry or waiting for a 3GB file to download on a 256KBPS connection, you may read on at your own risk. (Disclaimer made, I am safe).

I have certain rules I follow, and if you need to understand WHY or how did I come up with such rules, you will have a better chance getting the exact date the universe came into existence, or have all the answers to the following questions. Click on the link Unexplained Files

My name would have been at number 1, however not many readers get past the 1^st paragraph to care to vote for me. I have now managed to get through 3 paragraphs without explaining anything much like our revered leaders on our planet. So getting back to the rules that I follow, there aren’t many but it’s something I live by.

1. I love home cooked meals and those meals need to be had only at home. This means that if you have prepared something that I love and you pack it in tiffin, I will not eat it, WHY? – No reason. However there is hope, if the meal is packed in a tiffin or a container and I do not see it packed in a tiffin and that meal is now unpacked and served to me on a plate, I will eat it.
2. I will eat food packed in a container if it brought from a restaurant - Not Logical, doesn’t support point number 1, I know.
3. If great food is cooked and it is then put into the fridge, I will not take it out from the fridge and reheat it. Once it goes in, it goes in and never comes out. However the same loophole is applicable, I will eat it if it is given to me.
4. I rarely eat left over food that is parceled at a restaurant. I need to be in the mood to eat it.
5. I do not drink liquor but I love liquor chocolates.
6. The rice that is cooked should not be sticky or lumpy. I like the grains separated.
7. Meat should be soft, and not chewy.
8. I hate the fat on meat and the skin on the chicken, it should be removed completely.
9. I will clean my plate and my fork at a restaurant or any place outside my house.
10. I dislike drinking any beverage in a glass; especially outside and I would prefer drinking it directly from the bottle.

So the top 10 things that are pretty annoying, however I do occasionally make exceptions to rule numbers 1,2 and 3, when and why do I do it, is something only God can explain.

If you have met me and have noticed anything other than the rules I have mentioned do let me know so that I can help some people who care or dare to understand my illogical complex mind know me better.

How Could She ?

My life was beautiful, it was perfect in every way possible. I felt invincible, proud, secure and blessed. A few moons ago I experienced the most brutal, unimaginable, shocking event in my life. I felt my heart shred and liquefy instantly into a sea of oblivion. My brain convulsed and froze my thoughts were an aposiopesis of the purest form, a series of disjointed feelings and words relegated into limbo of lost words.

I lay motionless trying to fathom why and how this could have happened.

I couldn't believe that she could do this to me. Were my feelings not considered ? Did she not know how I felt?  How could she?... Were the 3 words that kept ringing in my head. She knew how I felt, she knew everything and still she went ahead and did that dastardly deed.

Once she started she couldn't stop and before she knew it she had got in too deep to make any amends. I could see her guilt ridden face mask her surreptitious smile. She could have stopped to think about it, but she didn't, with conscious callousness and obduration she forged ahead, one bit at a time until it was over. She relished every bit of it and looked unapologetic.

She made a perfunctory attempt to apologise, but it oozed insincerity and apathy. 

I was livid and incredibly hurt but I loved her too much to hold a grudge. I have forgiven her, but the question I will always have is... How could she eat my biryani???

I am ME

I type incoherently at my keyboard words spew out with gay abandonment, I write every morbid thought my overly active crazy mind can imagine, my unfettered thoughts flow disdainfully unaffected by what my readers think or feel about me.


My thoughts are not my feelings, it's just an expression of all the garbage my overly active mind has accumulated. The putrid, vile and morbid words you read are etched only online.


I cleanse myself and keep my mind clear.I keep my head and heart empty so it can be renewed with a sense of joy and happiness I long for. I am a vessel, a reflection of your actions or inaction's.


I try to give more than I get and I believe that life always balances the good with the bad. I don't fear death but I wouldn't send it an invitation. When my time comes I shall embrace it.


I have loved and lived an incredible life. There is possibly so much more I need to do and see and I will, if time permits.I attain a cathartic release through poetry and my blog, My caustic words and violent rage run amok not in my heart but on my page.


I type these thoughts to heal myself and exorcise these demons. My prevarication is a form of defense, I am reticent yet expressive, my evocative posts are filled with inexpressible nostalgia.


I leave you to accept me for my idiosyncrasies. I am what I am, unabashed and free, my writing is esoteric. I rid myself of megrims and my unintentional, careless melancholic thoughts. 


Life in all its splendor can and will be experienced once you cleanse your mind and soul. It waits patiently to be invited.


Herald the grand opening and make way for the things to come, we will no longer live in darkness, it's time to invite the sun.

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It’s just a Creative form of expression / writing ... Don't read too much into it.

A New Journey

I have always been capricious and this has worked in my favor at times, however off lately it has led to unfathomable disastrous results. I've coached and counselled myself a million times, but I have failed to implement anything. I have found it is easier to give stellar advice than follow it, as one doesn't need to deal with the consequences.

I am seen as someone who is very practical, however when the shoe is on the other foot my brain takes a long vacation. I've been trying so hard to follow the psychobabble I have been dishing out. 

After a multitude of unsuccessful attempts I have now learnt to maintain my equanimity to some degree. In the recent past my maudlin behavior has irked a few, but I'm unaffected. Time has taught me to embrace difficult situations and accept the change in a positive way. I'm comfortably numb.

I now tend to be dilettantish in most conversations with family or friends and whenever I'm asked how I feel I smile and say I'm fine. Life is so much simpler this way.

Some people find me a tad bit caustic but I honestly don't care, I've never cared, but now I'm unemotional to a greater degree. This is my way of dealing with things right now. Each day I try to focus on getting through the day and being happy.

I no longer choose to be the harbinger of happiness. I exist one moment at a time and I choose to remain guarded and stoic until the grim reaper comes knocking at my door. I fear not what life has in-store as I have endured unfathomable pain and I've survived.

A blizzard of silence and equivocated answers pierced my feeble unstable, nonsensical mind, I had let myself get consumed by my volatile, execrable imagination, I however no longer try and comprehend things, I have faith in God and I trust that whatever has happened is just a test. I look to remaining positive and happy.

As I gaze at the night sky sprinkled with faint diamonds of past souls. I look forward to being part of this velvet tapestry someday. 

I've closed some doors behind me and I've tossed those keys away. Once I find the peace I'm looking for that's where I will stay.

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This is just creative writing, I'm not depressed, I just wanted push the boundaries of my ability to think in a dark way.

br-OK-en

Denial, self-reflection, regret, and a multitude of emotions crowd my pallid tormented mind. I replay every life changing event over and over again hoping for a different untarnished reality but no matter how many times I replay those events, the present remains the same.

Regret gnaws at my melancholic soul, slowly devouring every happy memory leaving behind a carcass of emptiness. The void grows wider each day like a great black abyss it swallows and imprisons all the hopes and dreams I had, the light that I once bathed in has been extinguished, leaving behind the stench of crushed dreams that now pave my shattered soul.

I try to comprehend the magnitude of the destruction and I can't seem to fathom how it could have led to such a vile and brutal outcome. Were there signs and I just didn't see it ?, could have I prevented this from happening? The answers I seek are locked awake, the key is my elixir.

I've always believed that the foundation of my world was built with utmost precision care and I put immense effort to ensure that it was secure. I was so confident that no storm no matter how severe could shake or breach this empyrean world I had built with so much love, affection, and trust. Was it fate or was it the perfect storm that breached and annihilated the very core of the foundation?

Was I being punished for my past sins? Was it time to pay my retribution? Could this just be an experience I need to go through?. I have so many questions but the answers lay at the bottom of the impenetrable abyss.

As I try to rebuild my life one shattered fragment at a time I have discovered how frail and delicate life can be and I've learned and understood that life is full of surprises, twists, and turns. I've learned to cope, accept and forgive. I've learned not to build castles in the air and graciously accept and cherish and hold on to the little that I have.

I now cradle my scarred shredded heart and protect it with a wall of apathy and cynicism.

I've also learned to be guarded, more vigilant and less expressive. I wear a mask of tranquility and solitude. I dissimulate to become invisible so that I can just glide unnoticed through life.

I've surrendered to the pain to let the healing begin. I've adapted to become resilient.

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Relax people this is just a gross exaggeration of an insignificant experience, I'm trying to explore a new form of creative writing (attempt 2)

After the Storm

I lay motionless staring into emptiness, I've lost track of time. My mind wanders the now blank and scarred recesses of my soul. I'm suddenly jolted into reality by my alarm clock.

I scramble to my feet and try and get a hold of my bearings, dazed and still reeling from the aftermath, I look at my phone... It's 4am. I can hear the echo of silence, everything I had and all that I had planned and dreamt about was lost in an instant. Was this a dream? Or was this really happening?.

I try to fathom the reason why war was waged upon my peaceful soul. What triggered such a catastrophic event? Why now? And Why ME? - These questions all had answers that I was unwilling to accept.

Pieces of my soul lay strewn across a million miles of memories that I had so carefully built over the years, and every fiber of my body ached. My head was ringing and the memories of the past whizzed through; flashes of significant events rose, crumbled and fell before me.

I was comfortably Numb!

I was now left to pick up the pieces of my life one bit at a time and try and rebuild it with whatever I could find. Parts of me were swept away by the storm and are now forever lost. I'm now inured to the pain I feel.

The storms of the past have taught me to fortify and strengthen myself. I had let my guard down as I believed that nothing could ever go wrong, I felt invincible, so secure and powerful, as I had never experienced such comfort in my life before.

I felt that the worst was over and I would only see clear blue skies and rainbows. My arrogance was reined in and subdued.

Was it fate that dealt a cruel blow, or was it my own actions or inaction's that cause this cruel carnage? The answers are irrelevant, as I need to face reality and deal with this in the best way possible.

I am not the same person I was before; I'm highly guarded and very alert. I'm building a fortress that will be impenetrable. No longer will I wear my heart on my sleeve.

The world around me has changed and I've adapted to survive.

As I nurse my shattered heart back to life, I hear a faint ring that gets louder and louder, the ring is now deafeningly loud. I'm jolted awake, I look at my alarm clock it is 4am and everything is fine.

The nightmare has passed.

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Creative dark writing attempt 1. I'm fine and well, this is just an exaggeration of an insignificant experience, just wanted to try a new form of creative writing, so don't over analyze things. All is well.

Self Advice 101

We've all been there and by "there" and I am referring to the "situation" where our very own illogical, logical “thinkawhatdoyoucallit” machine either saves us from a stressful, highly volatile and delicate situation or it steam rolls and destroys a situation that could be saved and sends it down the fiery pits of Hades.

There is a serious Knowing and Doing Gap here. We know we should be patient and not jump like adrenaline fueled Jack Rabbits to a conclusion, but at times our t'rusty' old brain decides to take an unplanned immediate vacation and you are left to deal with a situation with an overweight one legged, lazy hamster and a squeaky broken wheel.

At times like these, it is best to either shut up or pray that you fall into a temporary coma, until the feeling of stupidity to spew illogical hurtful or unwarranted words subsides.

I'm pretty good at dishing out advice like a 1000 year old yogi, it's irrelevant, and out dated but sometimes in a moment of madness I tend to say something so profound it makes up for all nonsense I've said before. People refer to me as Dr. Barnett and although deep down I know it is a reference to a local Quack, who got his P.H.D. from an alphabet book, I acknowledge the false praise with humility.

I counsel myself and that is not a very good thing, but it's better than listening to someone else and then blaming them if things don't go as planned. I prefer to take responsibility for my own bad advice.

I have a million conversations in my head about a situation and I create elaborate worst case scenarios and situations and I work from there. I link everything I see to that situation and I've realized that, if you believe something then everything and anything will and can be tied to that outcome you have already pre-decided. To break it down for the confused, you only let yourself see what you want to see or you have already decided on the verdict before the trial starts.

Therefore, if you want to truly resolve some issue, you need to tackle things at the very root and work from there. The best way to do this is to ask and "ask with the intention to truly believe and listen to what the other person is saying". If you ask, but have already made up your mind that the other person is lying, it is as good as not asking at all. I hope this makes sense.

Doubt can ruin the best and the strongest relationship, it can eat away years of trust and happiness in an instant. Therefore it is very critical and important to seek immediate clarification if it possible or stay quiet until you can seek clarification.

It's impossible to drink a glass of water without spilling a drop, on a roller coaster while it is hurtling at 100 miles an hour. You need to let the roller coaster come to a complete stop and then drink to your heart's content.

All this sounds good and pretty logical, but when you are in the eye of the storm, logic and the ability to shut up shut down and you knowingly commit verbal suicide by saying stuff you shouldn't.

I've been down that road and I can tell you it’s tough not to go all Deadpool, Harley Quinn when your brain power to compute is dependent on the ability of a disabled lazy hamster. However practice makes (near) perfect, you'll always have that occasional miss.

So the next time you are troubled and want to vent and shout or ask questions that could pretty much send your relationship down the S**t Creek, take a step back, tape your mouth if you have to, or have the most horrific conversation in your head, but Do Not and I repeat Do Not make the mistake of saying something you can't take back, unless you have managed to figure out time travel.

I've struggled with this and I'm still struggling too, but not as much as before. So my advice is practice, practice and practice, and if you still can't manage then, PRAY.

Key Ingredients of a Relationship

The core of any great and successful relationship is TRUST. Open conversations, honesty, and bitter truths are the key ingredients. If one replaces the key ingredients with half-truths, white lies and silence, the relationship will in time show signs of strains, cracks and instability. 

It is important to recognize and correct this as soon as you see the first signs of a crack or instability. The longer you take to address the concerns and repair the foundation, the deeper and more severe will be the damage and one day it will all breakdown under pressure.

I have seen fairy tale; picture perfect relationships crumble due to misunderstandings, white lies, and concealment of insignificant facts. "IF ONLY" are the 2 words that most couples use once the damage is already done.

So if you do see signs of cracks in your relationship, or if you have held back or hidden anything from your partner no matter how insignificant they may be, it is important that you set up time for a full disclosure and list down all the things that you have either forgotten to mention or chose not to reveal fearing the wrath of your partner.

I can tell you that from my experience, having a full disclosure makes you feel light, less pressurized and happy. My partner and I are completely honest with each other and we leave no stone unturned; there are no secrets or concealment of any facts. This is what helps us strengthen the bond we have. 

The benefit of doing this enables you to be stress free around your partner and you never need to worry about the ”What If she/he finds out", or "I need to be more careful" scenarios. You can live your life peacefully knowing that your partner knows everything about you and still accepts you for the person you are.

If you have done something that you know will upset your partner, lay it all out on the table and see where things go. If your partner decides to forgive you and forget then you need to ensure that you do not make the same mistakes again.

If you are one of the few who have willfully deceived your partner, it is time to swallow that bitter pill and take the rap. You never know how the other person will react. If they love you enough, they may forgive even your worst mistakes and it is then up to you to rebuild the trust you have destroyed piece by piece over time. It is not going to be easy, but you will have a clear conscience and you can be happy.

Life is filled with sharp unexpected turns and potholes and as long as your relationship has a good set of sturdy tires and shock absorbers it will brave the most unforgiving terrain.

Bringing the Zing Back

They say that love is blind and marriage is an eye opener. I believe that when you are in the initial stages of love you are so consumed, mesmerized and focused on impressing your partner that you lose sight and overlook any shortcomings.

Over time the butterflies in your stomach get tired and you no longer get that tingling feeling when you see your partner.  You are now more comfortable burping and farting in each other’s presence, basically you take each other’s existence for granted. The drive to impress dwindles with each passing day and over time. If you manage to pick up after yourself or put the toilet seat down you consider that a huge favor you have bestowed upon your partner.

Life can get too routine and predictable, it is at this time we have a choice to let things be, or try and bring some excitement back into your life and your partner’s life. Some veteran couples may tell you that if you have something good let it be. I however feel that you need to rock the boat and stir up some excitement to get the zing back. Even if you have managed to bring some excitement for a day or two, you are moving in the right direction.

I’ve written a couple of posts in the past about relationships and in each one I reiterate, don’t take your partner for granted  for in the midst of routine and boredom you would either neglect your partner or get into something that you should not. 

The simplest way to get back on track is to have open conversations; now having such a conversation is tough as at times we do not want to be completely honest as we fear how the other person will react. What we forget that if we aren’t completely honest we will never know how our significant other will react and we carry that burden of a secret or discontent for years.

I have seen people hide things from their partners and I know that it eats into them as they are unable to be truly honest. If your relationship is strong enough it will endure some bitter truths, however if your relationship is built on lies it will one day crumble before your eyes and you will have no time to salvage anything from it. Life is not a result of one big choice that we make, but it is a list of little choices that make us who we are.

For any relationship to be successful, you need to have those hard conversations and hope for the best.  One should never forget that a brilliance of a diamond is achieved from a piece of coal.  It is only time, endurance and immense pressure that make it unbreakable and precious. You need to learn to sift the glass from the diamonds.

The older you get one realizes that relationships are built on trust, understanding, forgiveness and love.  It doesn’t matter how much money, fame, or success you have achieved, what truly matters is for who our hearts still beats.

Freedom

Sometimes we just need to get away from our daily routines and experience something new. It could be a new hobby, a new friendship or an item from our bucket list.

Whatever we choose to do should give us the sense of freedom we've been longing for. Life can get mundane and too routine if we don't pay attention. Relationships can also lose its spark, if we don't keep the fire burning.

Overtime the once hot embers of a relationship are nothing more than a lump of charred cold ash. So if you feel, tied down, suffocated, uneasy and bored, take charge of your life and do something new.

For those in relationships, you can forge new friendships meet new people and yet be committed to your partner. But beware of getting too emotionally attached your new found friend, as it could damage your existing relationship.

Some of the signs to watch out for are:

1) If you find yourself talking about your new friend very often, you have unknowingly got attached emotionally.

2) If you text each other every single day, at the start and at the end of the day you are in a pseudo relationship.

3) If you have deleted, or feel the need to delete some portion of your text messages from your new friend, then you are either consciously or subconsciously feeling guilty or feel the need to eliminate the evidence.

4) If you start to feel more comfortable expressing your inner thoughts dreams and ideas with your new friend, you are probably not too far away from considering this person as your future partner or vice versa.

5) Sometimes we you give someone a shoulder to cry on, they get attached to you.

Life can get very complicated and if we aren't alert, we can get drawn and pulled into any direction. My advice is, have fun, experience everything you dreamed of experiencing but know where to draw the line. Because at times the line is so faint and blurred we often miss it.

Stay happy, healthy and live life to the fullest.

Avoiding Conflict - Staying Happy

The secret to happiness lies in looking only at positive aspects and not dwelling on the negative.

Yes! That is the Answer!

It's as simple as that. If you want me to elaborate read on, if you don't, put your thumb on Alt hold it down and now put your index finger on F4. For those reading it on their iPads, Mobiles - Just exit. 

For those who are still reading, I guess you have time on your hands or have not followed my previous instructions correctly and hence are still reading.

I have come across situations where people are affected by another person’s mere presence and any gesture, verbal misrepresented benign statements or any situation is perceived as a personal attack and an invasion into their space.

Such an individual will inadvertently, unknowingly seek reasons for that perceived threat and will always be on guard. 

This is a mild form of a mind disorder. It is bordering on Paranoia to read more click on this link : http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Paranoia.html#ixzz48bNBi4sG

Disclaimer :

I am no psychologist, nor do I claim to be, therefore any advice given by me in this post, is my interpretation of what should be done and not a direction for you to follow it. It is your choice to pick what you like, and discard the rest. 

Phew I feel safe now! - Getting back to my take on avoiding conflict and staying happy... I believe that if you let anything get to you, it will consume you and overpower your senses. Therefore, if you have to let anything get to you, let it be only positive experiences.

I have seen too many people self-destruct by just focusing on the negative aspects of life.

It may be harder to do, but if practiced enough it can make a world of difference in your life. Negativity and misery on the other hand loves company and catches on quickly. It can be detrimental to one's life and to his/her surrounding if we let ourselves get sucked into this dark void of negativity.

Life ain't a bed of roses, but if you keep focusing only on the thorns you'd never enjoy the beauty of the rose.

You've got one life to live, fill it with love, laughter and great memories.

Unanswered & Happy

When one has been wronged, the immediate response is to react. It's not easy stay composed or rationalize what has happened. However any reaction / action made during this time can be detrimental.

I have come across some scenarios where although justified in every respect, the consequence of the reaction proved to be more damaging than the initial impact.

In our quest to right a wrong, we may just hurt ourselves more than we expect and make whatever hope of salvage, an impossible task.

It takes a strong heart and mind to walk away from the toxicity and start afresh. I have always said, think a 100 times before you try to bring people to task.

Ask yourself these questions and then make a decision to act:

1) Will I gain anything from doing this? ( Besides personal satisfaction)
2) Will or could my actions damage my future prospects, relationships etc?
3) Would it really make any difference to my personal life if I right this wrong? ( Besides personal satisfaction)
4) Could my actions impact the people I care about?


To be honest in most scenarios that I have seen, the more we focus on getting back at others who have wronged us, the magnitude of stress and hurt we feel is 10 times worse.

It's best to Let Go, and focus on the future. You cannot undo the past and trying to make people see how wrong they have been has often resulted in a severe backlash.

Logically, very few people would admit they are wrong, and most would do everything in their 'POWER' to prove they are right.

It's a cut throat world and at times you need to be cordial with the ones who have let you down so that, you don't face great repercussions by confronting them in any form or medium.

Just remember The Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly But Surely, we don't need to bring people to task, Life will do it. - Trust Me I know it works.

Recipe of Love

God is thee Master Chef and we are all his creations. Each one of us is made with different ingredients that can be altered to a degree but can't be changed completely.

When two dishes compliment each other they make one awesome dish like mac n cheese, spaghetti and meatballs, milk and cookies, bacon and eggs and some are unique combinations like chips in a cheese sandwich or any other sandwich. 

They key over here is to enjoy the dish as a whole and not try and figure out every little secret ingredient or try and alter it's contents. What you can do is add some spice to the entire dish and accept it for the way it is. 

At times one may get tired with the same thing and get bored, rather than look for something else it's better to add a Lil zing to your dish. 

What people don't realize that every new enticing dish has some ingredients that you may not like, but that's what gives the dish it's kick / flavor. Not every ingredient will be great by itself, but a combination of all makes it unique and special. I suggest that rather than concentrate on the things you do not like, look at the things that you like.

It's important to focus on the good stuff, it makes one feel better... Trust me!

Sometimes comfort food is thee best rather than some exotic new dish. They say ignorance is bliss and I do agree in some way it is. At times when we become more aware of things, we lose our sense of appreciation of what we have. 

It's OK to want more and be happier but that's the unknown. You may think that what you will get will better but that's the risk. So if you already have something good, you need to be sure that you want to risk it all to get something that may or may not be better.

Sometimes I feel that God, doesn't like us mortals to be more aware of things that he has created. In the quest of enlightenment we may cross things we are not meant to know or acquire skills that we shouldn't have. ‎That's why God made people speak different languages when he saw the tower of Babel rise uncontrollably towards the sky. But that's just my take on things. Getting back to the gourmet meal. 

Often the same meal that you loved and invested in over time will seem unappetizing  there could be several external factors that may contribute to it. Step back try and assess the reasons why it tastes different, see what you can do to improve the flavor. 

This post is all about what can you do, cause you are in control of what you can do and you can never expect the dish to alter it's core ingredients.

So if you are ever unhappy with the current state of your meal. You have four options 1) Risk and get another meal, 2) fix the meal by adding things you like (don't try and remove the things you don't like), 3) order take-out or 4) stay hungry. 

The choice is yours make it wisely.

Don’t Aim to Please - Be Honest!

Social gatherings need to be fun and at times they are manipulated to further one’s career and avoid conflict. I have very often seen people call “XYZ” person for a function due to the following reasons: 

1) They called you for their function. 

2) They are decision makers in your career / networking opportunity. 

3) They are a close relative or acquaintance (although you seldom keep in touch) 

4) They live in your vicinity (neighbors, acquaintance’s etc.) 

5) They work with you / worked with you / former boss / co-worker.

If you notice none of the 5 reasons ever stated that you were close to them and you wanted them to be part of your social gathering.

It’s more of I don’t want to but I have to or It will look bad on my part if I didn’t call them.

Honestly, I rather attend a function ONLY if the person truly wanted me to be there and not because they felt compelled to invite me for reasons given above.

And then there are people who want to be invited for every event and will feel insulted and hurt if they are not. They force people who have a social gathering to send out the pity invite.

Now I’m pretty sure that most people will read this and agree, but will still call people from the list above, cause they do not want to ruffle feather / rock the boat.

I on the other hand operate very differently; I associate myself with people I want to be around and vice versa. I have very few close friends and relatives that I like to keep in touch with and if I do have a social gathering I will call only those people and not the rest. 

Now one can say, what if the people who you think are your close friends and relatives don’t feel the same way about you. The answer to that is simple; if one doesn’t feel the same way, then don’t attend.

I don’t and won’t feel bad.

It is important to have the right and the freedom to call someone who you feel strongly about and not be compelled to please others or fear the wrath of society, family and "friends' (aka - acquaintances)

The key in making a good guest list is to ask yourself the following questions:

1) Does this person make me good about myself.

2) Is this person someone I can rely on in time of trouble.

3) Does this person accept me for the way I am.

4) Do I feel comfortable around this person.

Now if the answers to these questions are yes then you probably have a good list. You may not have had the opportunity to test or be certain about point 2, but you would have a fair idea.

Now if you are still feeling uneasy about not inviting the rest who are close acquaintances, relatives, employers, neighbors etc. Example : They are people who you get along with, respect and at times have fun, but In short they are people who are nice to have around, but are not necessarily the people who have a deep emotional impact in your life.  Then don't invite them for the main event, but have a small party (inexpensive) to celebrate your success, marriage, anniversary etc 

At work you can distribute sweets, and for the relatives and neighbors a small party would suffice. If they choose not to come, due to humiliation of not being invited for the main event, then don't bother; you've done your part.