I am ME

I type incoherently at my keyboard words spew out with gay abandonment, I write every morbid thought my overly active crazy mind can imagine, my unfettered thoughts flow disdainfully unaffected by what my readers think or feel about me.


My thoughts are not my feelings, it's just an expression of all the garbage my overly active mind has accumulated. The putrid, vile and morbid words you read are etched only online.


I cleanse myself and keep my mind clear.I keep my head and heart empty so it can be renewed with a sense of joy and happiness I long for. I am a vessel, a reflection of your actions or inaction's.


I try to give more than I get and I believe that life always balances the good with the bad. I don't fear death but I wouldn't send it an invitation. When my time comes I shall embrace it.


I have loved and lived an incredible life. There is possibly so much more I need to do and see and I will, if time permits.I attain a cathartic release through poetry and my blog, My caustic words and violent rage run amok not in my heart but on my page.


I type these thoughts to heal myself and exorcise these demons. My prevarication is a form of defense, I am reticent yet expressive, my evocative posts are filled with inexpressible nostalgia.


I leave you to accept me for my idiosyncrasies. I am what I am, unabashed and free, my writing is esoteric. I rid myself of megrims and my unintentional, careless melancholic thoughts. 


Life in all its splendor can and will be experienced once you cleanse your mind and soul. It waits patiently to be invited.


Herald the grand opening and make way for the things to come, we will no longer live in darkness, it's time to invite the sun.

------------------------

It’s just a Creative form of expression / writing ... Don't read too much into it.

A New Journey

I have always been capricious and this has worked in my favor at times, however off lately it has led to unfathomable disastrous results. I've coached and counselled myself a million times, but I have failed to implement anything. I have found it is easier to give stellar advice than follow it, as one doesn't need to deal with the consequences.

I am seen as someone who is very practical, however when the shoe is on the other foot my brain takes a long vacation. I've been trying so hard to follow the psychobabble I have been dishing out. 

After a multitude of unsuccessful attempts I have now learnt to maintain my equanimity to some degree. In the recent past my maudlin behavior has irked a few, but I'm unaffected. Time has taught me to embrace difficult situations and accept the change in a positive way. I'm comfortably numb.

I now tend to be dilettantish in most conversations with family or friends and whenever I'm asked how I feel I smile and say I'm fine. Life is so much simpler this way.

Some people find me a tad bit caustic but I honestly don't care, I've never cared, but now I'm unemotional to a greater degree. This is my way of dealing with things right now. Each day I try to focus on getting through the day and being happy.

I no longer choose to be the harbinger of happiness. I exist one moment at a time and I choose to remain guarded and stoic until the grim reaper comes knocking at my door. I fear not what life has in-store as I have endured unfathomable pain and I've survived.

A blizzard of silence and equivocated answers pierced my feeble unstable, nonsensical mind, I had let myself get consumed by my volatile, execrable imagination, I however no longer try and comprehend things, I have faith in God and I trust that whatever has happened is just a test. I look to remaining positive and happy.

As I gaze at the night sky sprinkled with faint diamonds of past souls. I look forward to being part of this velvet tapestry someday. 

I've closed some doors behind me and I've tossed those keys away. Once I find the peace I'm looking for that's where I will stay.

----------

This is just creative writing, I'm not depressed, I just wanted push the boundaries of my ability to think in a dark way.