Telemarketers Vs James

Telemarketers Vs James

Have u ever taken that perfect nap, only to have your phone ring just as you've hit that sweet spot in the sleepy cycle.

On the other side you usually get the most annoying voice greet 'A very good afternoon to you' ‘myself Suresh calling from XYZ’. A telemarketer life is not easy and I understand that, as I was also once a telemarketer, however I knew when to push and when to just let the potential customer be.

When I receive such a call I thank the telemarketer and say I'm not interested. I am courteous as I know that they are just doing their job, however if they continue to annoy and get cheeky then I let them have it.

I don’t get into a fit of rage or abuse them; I start to sound genuinely interested and ask them all inane questions

Credit Cards / Loans

1. Do I need to pay the loan back

2. Can I take a 50 lac loan and pay Rs 1000 per month

3. Can I give you a fake address and we’ll split the loan 

4. Do you know how to pay Gin Rummy with Cards

5. Did you say Phone, Blown, Clone and then go to step 1

By this time they either hang up or some say sir that is not possible.  At times I ask them if they are interested in buying a second hand PC or my old pen drive.  I even offer heavy discounts but to no avail.

Holiday Packages/ Time Share

Sir are you single or married, if the caller is a male, I say sorry mate I don’t swing that way, If it’s a girl then I say I am but I need to get to know you better. Sadly most don’t get it.

If the conversation continues I ask them if they could convert my house into a holiday home or I ask them if they would like to come for a holiday with me.

99% of the time I don’t answer unknown numbers, I answer them now as I’m currently looking for a job.

Tip: - Don’t get mad at a telemarketer, If you are busy say you’re not interested and if they don’t heed say you’re currently overseas (this always works) If you have time to spare and have nothing to do, have fun.

Kitchen War

I get up to hear things being thrown around in the kitchen, I walk in to find my dad in midst of an argument with an onion, before you pass judgement he is not crazy he is just as insane as I. He looks at me, gives me an evil grin and then picks up the diced onion and throws it the pan of hot oil and says, “that will teach you a lesson” as the onion sizzles away, you can hear screams "I'm sorry, never again, never again" and then there is silence. I’m sure that all future onions will withhold their sulfloxide if they ever encounter my dad.

I've lived with my dad long enough not to be surprised and wait for him to tell me his logical expression of displaced rage. While dicing onions, the release of sulfloxide burned his eyes and this was his way of getting back at them. If you do want to know what is the best way to prevent this irritation then go to this website Crying game

I couldn’t help but laugh at his inane justification, but I guess we all grow up doing stuff like this; it is hardwired into us as kids. I remember falling down and cutting myself and someone told me to hit the ground and admonish it, just to be clear this happened a long time ago when I was a kid, I thought I'd clarify.

I’m pretty sure that some of you can relate to this, I am sure that most people have reprimanded the furniture, tree, cycle, ground, stone or anything that caused them or their little angel pain.  

My dad loves to cook and fix stuff, and if you do happen to be present during one of his mishaps, you will get to see a tomato being beaten to a pulp, or a knife being demoted from cutting vegetables and meat to being used as a mixer for paint and when he’s fixing stuff you will get to see a poor little nail getting pounded.

We all take out our frustration on things that can’t fight back, like your keyboard that gets battered when your computer hangs during an important presentation or your car when it refuses to start. I guess we believe that by punishing the object it will mend it's ways and work. Trust me it never works.

I have learned that you can grow up all you want, but some habits stay with us forever. Now it time to hit my stupid phone that keeps rebooting.

My College Career Counselor

It was a hot summer day and I had nothing to do; my life was grinding to a halt. I had to do something.

I could not waste my life thinking about nothing or doing nothing about my thinking, sounds confusing, I'm sure it does, that was the state of my mind, in a mess, or organized chaos.

I do not remember what prompted me to make the effort to find out if we had a career counselor, but I did.

I vaguely remember this lady in her late thirties, smiling at me as I entered her office.
I told her I need some guidance. She smiled at me; she was missing some teeth and many dentist appointments.

Her eagerness made me believe that I was the only person she spoke to all week.

I sat down and she asked me a couple of questions, my name, age, where I lived, what did I do (this really confused me) what did I do?

I had an ID card, I was in college, what did I do?

A student, in college, talking to you, I said (it rhymed)

I knew I was in for a strange, very strange conversation.

I told her I lived with my parents and 2 sisters, her next question baffled me and left me worried and wondering if I was in the right place.

“Is your father alive?” ….hmmm maybe this was supposed to be a trick question. But she was serious.

“The last time I checked, he was” was my prompt reply.

she did not seem very pleased with my reply, Ok she said what does your mother do.

I told her "Just in case you want to know she is also alive, and she is a teacher"

Then for some strange reason she asked me if my parents were separated, I told her that they had not informed me that they were and if they were, they were doing a very good job hiding it.

This pissed her off even more, but she tried to keep her cool.

Then she asked me if I wanted to follow in my parents footsteps, I told her if I did they would wonder why I was following them around, I laughed...

She was dead serious.

I guess she gave up asking personal questions and moved on to career oriented questions, the basic, what do you like to do or what are you interested in.

I told her I was confused and I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life and that was one of the main reasons I had come to her, for direction, I later found out it was misdirection.

So pandered to her request, and told her I wanted to be “A Detective”

“Ah that’s interesting” she said with a bewildered look. So what type of detective would you like to be, I knew that she had no clue what to tell me or where to guide me, so I decided to play along.

I told her I wanted to be an “FBI Agent” I was dead serious, and she looked LOST.
WHY do you want to be an FBI agent? Why not a CBI Detective?
Because I can’t speak Hindi was my quick reply.

I managed to keep a straight face throughout the question/answer session.

I went on to explain why I couldn’t speak Hindi and how it would greatly affect my ability to extract information from the criminals.

She didn’t seem very experienced as she was now looking as lost as I was when I entered. I’m sure I made her wonder if she was in the right profession.

She asked me the standard what do you like and dislike questions, after another round of questions and answers; we seemed to have hit the same roadblock we hit in the 1st 5mins.

It was one battered roadblock.

1 hour into the discussion, I decided to ask her why she did what she did. She told me that she liked helping people find themselves.

I told her I was as lost as I was 1 hour ago and we had not made any progress. She seemed to nod in agreement.

We discussed the possibilities of joining the army, navy, air force, a psychologist and an artist.

I could see that she was getting frustrated as we had made no progress.

She told me that she was not sure how she could help me and she told me to come and see her 5 years later.

I never did go back…

I came home and narrated this incident to my family, they found it really amusing.

It’s been 15years since that eventful day I still do not know what I want to do with my life.

16 Weeks

At 16 weeks, a baby is over 4.5 inches long from crown to rump, a baby's facial muscles are developed enough to grimace, frown, and make other faces in the womb.

At 16 weeks, I am still frowning and making other faces I learned as a baby, as I am still unemployed and the job hunt is pretty frustrating.

I can swear that when your on leave a week last only 4 days. You have your Monday, so that you know its the start of the week then before you know it is Wednesday and while your still trying to digest the fact that its already Wednesday, Friday has already made its self comfortable and the weekend lasts 24hrs. I

ts been 16 Weeks since I quit and I've gone through a quarter in no time. If you ever happen to meet me or speak to me, don't be surprised if all my conversations are peppered with topics on the economy, unemployment, and job hunt.

My family has stopped asking me questions as I have a standard request. I Need a Job. What do ya want for Christmas ? : I want a Job. I'm going out do u need anything ? : I Need a Job. Any plans for the new year ? : To get a job So how are you ? : Unemployed, I Need a Job.

I paid a recruitment agency Shine.com to spruce up my resume and contact recruitment firms and companies. So I've explored I guess all avenues. With the US fiscal cliff teetering towards a collapse. The job market will probably get affected world wide. I just hope and pray I get a job before the market collapses.

I've begun to seriously consider becoming a delivery boy for a restaurant. I know bandra really well and I am sure I will speed up the delivery process for any restaurant. So currently all the bells and whistles are ringing and I'm almost in panic mode, but it will take another 8 weeks until I have to start selling stuff like a kidney, liver, car, clothes, movies. Etc.

if you are still reading this post you can either let me know if there are vacancies or wait for the BIG SALE and get a good bargain on a kidney.

Old Man

Growing up was pretty stressful, well stressful for people living with me. I have however improved to a great degree in the past 3 decades. I don’t know what elicited these quirks but had it not been for them I would had nothing to write about. I was thoroughly spoiled as a kid, that’s what my sisters tell me and looking back I think, I did get whatever I wanted, well almost.

We had two Au pairs and a maid, and they did spoil me, I got my favorite food every day, right down to specifics, 3 drops of gravy, on rice not 4, not 2…but 3; weird huh? I still can’t believe that they complied with my unusual requests.

I did have a lot of quirks; I have out grown most of them over time. One that made absolutely no sense and is still baffling till today was my belief that I would become an old man if my maid touched my clothes.

Ok, I’ll give you a moment to read that again and another minute more to absorb what I just wrote. I was 4 years old and whenever my maid touched my clothes, I would get upset and say “you made me an old man” I do not know for how long this quirkiness lasted but let’s just say only my mum and my Au pairs could dress me.

As I grew older, I out grew this odd behavior developed new ones. Now let me just say that some of them were actually a blessing for my mum. From the age of 7 to 15 I never let anyone wash or iron my clothes. My shirts had to be ironed correctly; every seam had to be in place... I did spend a lot of time ironing clothes.

I grew older I developed some other quirks but let’s leave that for another post.

 

Alien

With the Communication Device set in place, I tinkered with the antenna and adjusted the frequency, the signal was weak, I could hear something in the background tried to decrypt the celestial mumble, but there was too much static, a few adjustments and suddenly it was clear, a voice boomed “You are listening to 98.2 FM”, No this can’t be right! … I was puzzled and disappointed. The satellite radio didn’t work. I was expecting to reach people from my planet Neptune.

Now before you think I should dial down the crazy, let me just say my childhood was filled with such crazy stories and adventure, thanks to television and my sisters. I was led to believe that I was adopted and my birth mother and father were from Neptune. 

Shocked? Perplexed? …Well that’s what you get when you have sisters who are way older than you; let’s just call it sibling hazing. I was 6years old and very gullible, unlike kids today. I was at an impressionable age, watching Superman, Star trek and E.T. made it a lot easier for my sisters to convince me that I was adopted and from another planet.

I was so convinced that I was an alien, I wore a pair of silver gumboots throughout the year. 

I have always been interested in finding out if there is life beyond earth in some distant galaxy, I was fascinated by space and I wanted to become an astronaut, however math was not my best friend and apparently that is required.

So getting back to the story, I firmly believed that I was sent by my birth parents to earth to serve a purpose, something I am still trying to figure out; the purpose and not that I was sent by aliens. So a story combination of superman and E.T. encourage me to contact my planet (Neptune)

Armed with a radio, Foil, a hanger, and a plate, I created my ‘Communication Device’, well apparently E.T contacted his planet, so how hard could it be? My fantasy was short lived when after 2 hours in the backyard and surfing through numerous radio stations, my mum called me in for dinner.