We've all been there and by "there" and I am referring to the "situation" where our very own illogical, logical “thinkawhatdoyoucallit” machine either saves us from a stressful, highly volatile and delicate situation or it steam rolls and destroys a situation that could be saved and sends it down the fiery pits of Hades.
There is a serious Knowing and Doing Gap here. We know we should be patient and not jump like adrenaline fueled Jack Rabbits to a conclusion, but at times our t'rusty' old brain decides to take an unplanned immediate vacation and you are left to deal with a situation with an overweight one legged, lazy hamster and a squeaky broken wheel.
At times like these, it is best to either shut up or pray that you fall into a temporary coma, until the feeling of stupidity to spew illogical hurtful or unwarranted words subsides.
I'm pretty good at dishing out advice like a 1000 year old yogi, it's irrelevant, and out dated but sometimes in a moment of madness I tend to say something so profound it makes up for all nonsense I've said before. People refer to me as Dr. Barnett and although deep down I know it is a reference to a local Quack, who got his P.H.D. from an alphabet book, I acknowledge the false praise with humility.
I counsel myself and that is not a very good thing, but it's better than listening to someone else and then blaming them if things don't go as planned. I prefer to take responsibility for my own bad advice.
I have a million conversations in my head about a situation and I create elaborate worst case scenarios and situations and I work from there. I link everything I see to that situation and I've realized that, if you believe something then everything and anything will and can be tied to that outcome you have already pre-decided. To break it down for the confused, you only let yourself see what you want to see or you have already decided on the verdict before the trial starts.
Therefore, if you want to truly resolve some issue, you need to tackle things at the very root and work from there. The best way to do this is to ask and "ask with the intention to truly believe and listen to what the other person is saying". If you ask, but have already made up your mind that the other person is lying, it is as good as not asking at all. I hope this makes sense.
Doubt can ruin the best and the strongest relationship, it can eat away years of trust and happiness in an instant. Therefore it is very critical and important to seek immediate clarification if it possible or stay quiet until you can seek clarification.
It's impossible to drink a glass of water without spilling a drop, on a roller coaster while it is hurtling at 100 miles an hour. You need to let the roller coaster come to a complete stop and then drink to your heart's content.
All this sounds good and pretty logical, but when you are in the eye of the storm, logic and the ability to shut up shut down and you knowingly commit verbal suicide by saying stuff you shouldn't.
I've been down that road and I can tell you it’s tough not to go all Deadpool, Harley Quinn when your brain power to compute is dependent on the ability of a disabled lazy hamster. However practice makes (near) perfect, you'll always have that occasional miss.
So the next time you are troubled and want to vent and shout or ask questions that could pretty much send your relationship down the S**t Creek, take a step back, tape your mouth if you have to, or have the most horrific conversation in your head, but Do Not and I repeat Do Not make the mistake of saying something you can't take back, unless you have managed to figure out time travel.