Update 2.1

It has been a long time since I posted anything on my blog. I have been busy, very busy. I finally managed to squeeze in some 'Me time' to share an update on my life.

For those who do not know, the last 26 months has been very interesting, exciting and dramatic. I rose from the abyss of melancholia to immeasurable euphoria; each event scripted by destiny.

My blind faith and trust in God, led me to my soul mate and best friend B 26 months ago.

This is how my life unfolded:

Met – Proposed (7 months later) – Engaged (2 months later) – Married (3 months later) – Baby (10 months later*) – I waited for a month. Little N is almost 5 months and is a bundle of Joy,and Oh boy!

B is holding on to sanity by a thread and I can't wait to give her a much deserved break.

Life is full of twists and turns and surprises, just when I had lost all hope, life handed me an Express Pass to paradise. I am grateful for everything I have received and cherish each day.

Amidst all this organised chaos, I moved residence and set up my place. 2018 – 2019 was the busiest I have ever been in my entire life.

My family and B’s family have been extremely supportive, and I can’t thank them enough. Life is beautiful, and I want it to stay that way.

I have so many stories to tell and experiences to share, I shall write soon… Till we meet again Adios!

Self Advice 101

We've all been there and by "there" and I am referring to the "situation" where our very own illogical, logical “thinkawhatdoyoucallit” machine either saves us from a stressful, highly volatile and delicate situation or it steam rolls and destroys a situation that could be saved and sends it down the fiery pits of Hades.

There is a serious Knowing and Doing Gap here. We know we should be patient and not jump like adrenaline fueled Jack Rabbits to a conclusion, but at times our t'rusty' old brain decides to take an unplanned immediate vacation and you are left to deal with a situation with an overweight one legged, lazy hamster and a squeaky broken wheel.

At times like these, it is best to either shut up or pray that you fall into a temporary coma, until the feeling of stupidity to spew illogical hurtful or unwarranted words subsides.

I'm pretty good at dishing out advice like a 1000 year old yogi, it's irrelevant, and out dated but sometimes in a moment of madness I tend to say something so profound it makes up for all nonsense I've said before. People refer to me as Dr. Barnett and although deep down I know it is a reference to a local Quack, who got his P.H.D. from an alphabet book, I acknowledge the false praise with humility.

I counsel myself and that is not a very good thing, but it's better than listening to someone else and then blaming them if things don't go as planned. I prefer to take responsibility for my own bad advice.

I have a million conversations in my head about a situation and I create elaborate worst case scenarios and situations and I work from there. I link everything I see to that situation and I've realized that, if you believe something then everything and anything will and can be tied to that outcome you have already pre-decided. To break it down for the confused, you only let yourself see what you want to see or you have already decided on the verdict before the trial starts.

Therefore, if you want to truly resolve some issue, you need to tackle things at the very root and work from there. The best way to do this is to ask and "ask with the intention to truly believe and listen to what the other person is saying". If you ask, but have already made up your mind that the other person is lying, it is as good as not asking at all. I hope this makes sense.

Doubt can ruin the best and the strongest relationship, it can eat away years of trust and happiness in an instant. Therefore it is very critical and important to seek immediate clarification if it possible or stay quiet until you can seek clarification.

It's impossible to drink a glass of water without spilling a drop, on a roller coaster while it is hurtling at 100 miles an hour. You need to let the roller coaster come to a complete stop and then drink to your heart's content.

All this sounds good and pretty logical, but when you are in the eye of the storm, logic and the ability to shut up shut down and you knowingly commit verbal suicide by saying stuff you shouldn't.

I've been down that road and I can tell you it’s tough not to go all Deadpool, Harley Quinn when your brain power to compute is dependent on the ability of a disabled lazy hamster. However practice makes (near) perfect, you'll always have that occasional miss.

So the next time you are troubled and want to vent and shout or ask questions that could pretty much send your relationship down the S**t Creek, take a step back, tape your mouth if you have to, or have the most horrific conversation in your head, but Do Not and I repeat Do Not make the mistake of saying something you can't take back, unless you have managed to figure out time travel.

I've struggled with this and I'm still struggling too, but not as much as before. So my advice is practice, practice and practice, and if you still can't manage then, PRAY.

Key Ingredients of a Relationship

The core of any great and successful relationship is TRUST. Open conversations, honesty, and bitter truths are the key ingredients. If one replaces the key ingredients with half-truths, white lies and silence, the relationship will in time show signs of strains, cracks and instability. 

It is important to recognize and correct this as soon as you see the first signs of a crack or instability. The longer you take to address the concerns and repair the foundation, the deeper and more severe will be the damage and one day it will all breakdown under pressure.

I have seen fairy tale; picture perfect relationships crumble due to misunderstandings, white lies, and concealment of insignificant facts. "IF ONLY" are the 2 words that most couples use once the damage is already done.

So if you do see signs of cracks in your relationship, or if you have held back or hidden anything from your partner no matter how insignificant they may be, it is important that you set up time for a full disclosure and list down all the things that you have either forgotten to mention or chose not to reveal fearing the wrath of your partner.

I can tell you that from my experience, having a full disclosure makes you feel light, less pressurized and happy. My partner and I are completely honest with each other and we leave no stone unturned; there are no secrets or concealment of any facts. This is what helps us strengthen the bond we have. 

The benefit of doing this enables you to be stress free around your partner and you never need to worry about the ”What If she/he finds out", or "I need to be more careful" scenarios. You can live your life peacefully knowing that your partner knows everything about you and still accepts you for the person you are.

If you have done something that you know will upset your partner, lay it all out on the table and see where things go. If your partner decides to forgive you and forget then you need to ensure that you do not make the same mistakes again.

If you are one of the few who have willfully deceived your partner, it is time to swallow that bitter pill and take the rap. You never know how the other person will react. If they love you enough, they may forgive even your worst mistakes and it is then up to you to rebuild the trust you have destroyed piece by piece over time. It is not going to be easy, but you will have a clear conscience and you can be happy.

Life is filled with sharp unexpected turns and potholes and as long as your relationship has a good set of sturdy tires and shock absorbers it will brave the most unforgiving terrain.

Bringing the Zing Back

They say that love is blind and marriage is an eye opener. I believe that when you are in the initial stages of love you are so consumed, mesmerized and focused on impressing your partner that you lose sight and overlook any shortcomings.

Over time the butterflies in your stomach get tired and you no longer get that tingling feeling when you see your partner.  You are now more comfortable burping and farting in each other’s presence, basically you take each other’s existence for granted. The drive to impress dwindles with each passing day and over time. If you manage to pick up after yourself or put the toilet seat down you consider that a huge favor you have bestowed upon your partner.

Life can get too routine and predictable, it is at this time we have a choice to let things be, or try and bring some excitement back into your life and your partner’s life. Some veteran couples may tell you that if you have something good let it be. I however feel that you need to rock the boat and stir up some excitement to get the zing back. Even if you have managed to bring some excitement for a day or two, you are moving in the right direction.

I’ve written a couple of posts in the past about relationships and in each one I reiterate, don’t take your partner for granted  for in the midst of routine and boredom you would either neglect your partner or get into something that you should not. 

The simplest way to get back on track is to have open conversations; now having such a conversation is tough as at times we do not want to be completely honest as we fear how the other person will react. What we forget that if we aren’t completely honest we will never know how our significant other will react and we carry that burden of a secret or discontent for years.

I have seen people hide things from their partners and I know that it eats into them as they are unable to be truly honest. If your relationship is strong enough it will endure some bitter truths, however if your relationship is built on lies it will one day crumble before your eyes and you will have no time to salvage anything from it. Life is not a result of one big choice that we make, but it is a list of little choices that make us who we are.

For any relationship to be successful, you need to have those hard conversations and hope for the best.  One should never forget that a brilliance of a diamond is achieved from a piece of coal.  It is only time, endurance and immense pressure that make it unbreakable and precious. You need to learn to sift the glass from the diamonds.

The older you get one realizes that relationships are built on trust, understanding, forgiveness and love.  It doesn’t matter how much money, fame, or success you have achieved, what truly matters is for who our hearts still beats.