br-OK-en

Denial, self-reflection, regret, and a multitude of emotions crowd my pallid tormented mind. I replay every life changing event over and over again hoping for a different untarnished reality but no matter how many times I replay those events, the present remains the same.

Regret gnaws at my melancholic soul, slowly devouring every happy memory leaving behind a carcass of emptiness. The void grows wider each day like a great black abyss it swallows and imprisons all the hopes and dreams I had, the light that I once bathed in has been extinguished, leaving behind the stench of crushed dreams that now pave my shattered soul.

I try to comprehend the magnitude of the destruction and I can't seem to fathom how it could have led to such a vile and brutal outcome. Were there signs and I just didn't see it ?, could have I prevented this from happening? The answers I seek are locked awake, the key is my elixir.

I've always believed that the foundation of my world was built with utmost precision care and I put immense effort to ensure that it was secure. I was so confident that no storm no matter how severe could shake or breach this empyrean world I had built with so much love, affection, and trust. Was it fate or was it the perfect storm that breached and annihilated the very core of the foundation?

Was I being punished for my past sins? Was it time to pay my retribution? Could this just be an experience I need to go through?. I have so many questions but the answers lay at the bottom of the impenetrable abyss.

As I try to rebuild my life one shattered fragment at a time I have discovered how frail and delicate life can be and I've learned and understood that life is full of surprises, twists, and turns. I've learned to cope, accept and forgive. I've learned not to build castles in the air and graciously accept and cherish and hold on to the little that I have.

I now cradle my scarred shredded heart and protect it with a wall of apathy and cynicism.

I've also learned to be guarded, more vigilant and less expressive. I wear a mask of tranquility and solitude. I dissimulate to become invisible so that I can just glide unnoticed through life.

I've surrendered to the pain to let the healing begin. I've adapted to become resilient.

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Relax people this is just a gross exaggeration of an insignificant experience, I'm trying to explore a new form of creative writing (attempt 2)