I have always been capricious and this has worked in my favor at times, however off lately it has led to unfathomable disastrous results. I've coached and counselled myself a million times, but I have failed to implement anything. I have found it is easier to give stellar advice than follow it, as one doesn't need to deal with the consequences.
I am seen as someone who is very practical, however when the shoe is on the other foot my brain takes a long vacation. I've been trying so hard to follow the psychobabble I have been dishing out.
After a multitude of unsuccessful attempts I have now learnt to maintain my equanimity to some degree. In the recent past my maudlin behavior has irked a few, but I'm unaffected. Time has taught me to embrace difficult situations and accept the change in a positive way. I'm comfortably numb.
I now tend to be dilettantish in most conversations with family or friends and whenever I'm asked how I feel I smile and say I'm fine. Life is so much simpler this way.
Some people find me a tad bit caustic but I honestly don't care, I've never cared, but now I'm unemotional to a greater degree. This is my way of dealing with things right now. Each day I try to focus on getting through the day and being happy.
I no longer choose to be the harbinger of happiness. I exist one moment at a time and I choose to remain guarded and stoic until the grim reaper comes knocking at my door. I fear not what life has in-store as I have endured unfathomable pain and I've survived.
A blizzard of silence and equivocated answers pierced my feeble unstable, nonsensical mind, I had let myself get consumed by my volatile, execrable imagination, I however no longer try and comprehend things, I have faith in God and I trust that whatever has happened is just a test. I look to remaining positive and happy.
As I gaze at the night sky sprinkled with faint diamonds of past souls. I look forward to being part of this velvet tapestry someday.
I've closed some doors behind me and I've tossed those keys away. Once I find the peace I'm looking for that's where I will stay.
This is just creative writing, I'm not depressed, I just wanted push the boundaries of my ability to think in a dark way.