Don’t Aim to Please - Be Honest!

Social gatherings need to be fun and at times they are manipulated to further one’s career and avoid conflict. I have very often seen people call “XYZ” person for a function due to the following reasons: 

1) They called you for their function. 

2) They are decision makers in your career / networking opportunity. 

3) They are a close relative or acquaintance (although you seldom keep in touch) 

4) They live in your vicinity (neighbors, acquaintance’s etc.) 

5) They work with you / worked with you / former boss / co-worker.

If you notice none of the 5 reasons ever stated that you were close to them and you wanted them to be part of your social gathering.

It’s more of I don’t want to but I have to or It will look bad on my part if I didn’t call them.

Honestly, I rather attend a function ONLY if the person truly wanted me to be there and not because they felt compelled to invite me for reasons given above.

And then there are people who want to be invited for every event and will feel insulted and hurt if they are not. They force people who have a social gathering to send out the pity invite.

Now I’m pretty sure that most people will read this and agree, but will still call people from the list above, cause they do not want to ruffle feather / rock the boat.

I on the other hand operate very differently; I associate myself with people I want to be around and vice versa. I have very few close friends and relatives that I like to keep in touch with and if I do have a social gathering I will call only those people and not the rest. 

Now one can say, what if the people who you think are your close friends and relatives don’t feel the same way about you. The answer to that is simple; if one doesn’t feel the same way, then don’t attend.

I don’t and won’t feel bad.

It is important to have the right and the freedom to call someone who you feel strongly about and not be compelled to please others or fear the wrath of society, family and "friends' (aka - acquaintances)

The key in making a good guest list is to ask yourself the following questions:

1) Does this person make me good about myself.

2) Is this person someone I can rely on in time of trouble.

3) Does this person accept me for the way I am.

4) Do I feel comfortable around this person.

Now if the answers to these questions are yes then you probably have a good list. You may not have had the opportunity to test or be certain about point 2, but you would have a fair idea.

Now if you are still feeling uneasy about not inviting the rest who are close acquaintances, relatives, employers, neighbors etc. Example : They are people who you get along with, respect and at times have fun, but In short they are people who are nice to have around, but are not necessarily the people who have a deep emotional impact in your life.  Then don't invite them for the main event, but have a small party (inexpensive) to celebrate your success, marriage, anniversary etc 

At work you can distribute sweets, and for the relatives and neighbors a small party would suffice. If they choose not to come, due to humiliation of not being invited for the main event, then don't bother; you've done your part. 

"I've come too Far, I can't give up"

"I've come too Far, I can't give up"

I have often seen people make the biggest blunders of their life because they have either invested too much, emotionally or financially in a project or person. 

One should never give up when the chips are down, but one should also let common sense prevail when one sees warning signs.

This post is not to discourage anyone from getting married or quitting on something they have invested heavily in, it is post about doing what is right for yourself and listening to your inner voice.

Disclaimer: If you are offended or have other views, it's cool... don't read it. This is my and only my opinion. 

Now for the rest who still want to read further, let's continue...

The key difference between following a dream in spite of failure and calling it quits on a project or a person is execution of common sense. When you see, hear all the warning bells you need to alter the course of action. There is no point filling a bucket of water with a hole in it or trying to change the core belief or behaviour of a person. 

The reason I write this post is because I recently heard about someone who seems confused about marrying the person they have been with for a long time. 

Now let's just say if one spent time with someone for 6mths and if he/she started to have doubts, they would probably call it quits and move on. But the interesting fact over here is the longer time spent in the relationship, the hard it gets to make the decision to move on. 

Now this seems logical as the bonds of friendship, love etc. gets stronger over time. However let's add a twist of reality over here... the couple is sailing in troubled waters and each don't trust each other but because their relationship is out in the open and they had discussed marriage plans in front of friends and relatives they decide to get married. 

Reason: Fear of public ridicule, "what will people say", “Don’t want to embarrass my family" etc...
In my personal opinion which may mean jacksh** to some people, if you are unsure no matter how much time money and effort you have put in a relationship. You don't get married, period. The repercussions of taking such a decision can be catastrophic.

Marriage is a decision that needs to be taken when both (the guy and the girl) are sure about spending eternity with each other. 

You NEED to be sure. 

A decision made on factors such as - I'm getting too old and I need to settle down.
Let's have kids because my biological clock is ticking.
If she doesn't get married now, no one will marry her.

We have already paid for the wedding and have sent out invitations.

All this in my and only my opinion is absolutely ridiculous.

I'm not against marriage, but I feel that some people don't understand how serious that decision is and use the above excused to go ahead with something that they never wanted who heartedly in the first place.

Unfortunately I have been witness to a few such examples and in one instance I had told a friend (DO NOT DO IT) but it was done only to be undone a few miserable years later. Based on these examples I can tell you that, you will get those warning signals IF things aren’t right.

With regards to professional aspects such as projects investments etc some people get in too deep that it becomes impossible for them to have the courage to say "This is it". 

So my plea, to all out there who are in a situation where they are still invested in a professional or personal aspect of their life and are only in it because they have already invested too much. IF you feel that it's not right, cut the cord and move on.

Look Within

I often get lost in thought while driving, especially in heavy traffic; it beats getting frustrated at a situation that you cannot change. A few days ago I was on my way home from work and I started thinking about my life; success, fulfillment, achievement etc.

I thought about all the could haves should haves, would haves and realized that I am what I am because of the decisions I did and did not make and I was happy. Sometimes we are so focused on the things we do not have that we do not appreciate the things we do have.

Most people go out of India for their Honeymoon; some exotic beach, or private island etc... A thousand + miles away from home. Many do not realize that India is incredibly beautiful and you do not need to jet off to a remote place to spend quality time, unless you fear of being stalked by some nosy relatives or friends.

There are plenty of beautiful places untouched by man in India, you just need to look for it and Google helps.

Looking within oneself is something that is seldom done and we are constantly craving, yearning for something that we feel is better.

Some people are never happy with the way they look and no amount of exercise, diets or wardrobe changes will meet their expectations. The same principle applies to earnings. I have met very few people who are content with the amount they earn and are truly happy with their job. The rest are always looking for a better pay packet, a better job, a better life.

The hardest part is knowing when enough is sufficient. We spend a good part of our life working (Slogging) to achieve riches, fame and security in all aspects of life and we do it at the cost of our health.



By the time we have "Enough" we are too old to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Most people who amass incredible wealth die using less that twenty percent of it.



My advice is to save for a rainy day and not a level 5 hurricane. Look within, enjoy life to its fullest and be happy with what you have. You only live once so make it count.

My First Day at College

My First Day at College

I am sure that most people would remember their first day of most events in their life as each first day is filled with a certain amount of anxiety, expectations, hopes, fears and excitement. I was asked to write about my first day at college and I had to delve into the deep recesses of my failing memory and try and piece together a competent, sane, interesting essay. Going back 18 years was not very easy and it just reminded me of how old I’ve grown, but it’s nice to sometimes sit back and reminisce the good old days.

I do remember it was an extremely hot day, I was running late as I had just come back from my NIIT classes. I rummaged through my cupboard and picked the first thing I saw. I had mixed feelings about not wearing a uniform, as I found it to be very practical and it eliminated the conundrum of choosing what to wear each day. I wore a brown T-Shirt with a swordfish embroidered on it and black jeans. Walking into college, was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I was no longer a child, I would be recognized as an adult and my decisions and actions over the course of the next 5 years would basically determine my success, achievements and popularity.

After spending 10 years in an all-boys school, I was terrified and excited to finally be in the same room as the fairer sex. Most women in my class were twice my size as my pituitary glands were still dormant; I was 5.2 and a size negative 2.

The first lecture started off with a bang, as one macho smart aleck tried to impress the girls by whistling during roll call. Unfortunately the professor was not amused and she made it very clear on the first day that she was in charge, In front of 120 students she slapped him! that slap echoed the hall of the the college.

Pin drop silence; everyone was on their best behavior for the next 45 minutes. Every professor that came to our class post the first lecture was studied carefully for the first 10minutes and was ‘SWOT’ analyzed.

I spent the first day observing who I should approach and who I should avoid. I was able to bucket people into 3 categories, the Attention Seekers, Regulars and the Invisibles. The attention seekers were loud, extremely confident and looked for any opportunity to make an impression, unfortunately some gained attention for the wrong reasons, like the ‘whistler’.  The regulars were people that adjusted perfectly; it felt like they had rehearsed their first day countless times. I was one of the invisibles, I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and I did whatever I could to just blend in.

Being the son of a high school teacher made me even more cautious. I didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention. I don’t remember who I met or who I spoke to on the first day, but the friendships I forged in the first few days at college have been some of the best ones.

BE HAPPY

                                         BE HAPPY

Happiness is what we all long for and work so hard to desperately achieve it. We link happiness to wealth, power, popularity/fame and achievements. Although the following does give one the feeling of elation it is not the purest form of happiness, as it is dependent on factors that if removed from our lives will cause the opposite of happiness ie: despair.

The true and purest form of happiness lies within us, waiting to be discovered. There is so much we need to be thankful for but we take the little things for granted like the air in our lungs, the beauty all around us and our existence in the lives of other and vice versa.

If we focus on the negative aspects of our lives we will never be happy and will slowly but surely slip into resentment, despair and bitterness. Once this sets in, no matter what we achieve in life; we will always be looking for something more. 

"Happiness is appreciating what we have"

Happiness is contagious and we need to make it contagious by spreading it with others, through kindness, patience, understanding and helpful deeds.

It is achieved by making a positive difference in lives of others through our words and deeds. It is as simple as that. A simple compliment to a stranger can lighten up that person's day, Try it... it will make you as well that that person happy.

For those of you that have been on the receiving end of positive deeds, you will know. So appreciate the simple things in life and make someone smile each day. You will see that happiness come back to you ten fold.

Smile and make others smile and you will definitely be happy. 

Beef Ban

BeefBan

I am sure this idea of banning beef was given by a Cow. 

I do not know why some people are upset the government has banned the sale or consumption of beef. The article posted in the Indianexpress has given meat lovers the ‘mad cow disease’.

Now the Maharashtra Animal Preservation (Amendment) Bill that was passed when the BJP-Shiv Sena alliance was in power in 1995 only protects the slaughter of calves and bullocks, aren’t goats and pigs also animals. 

Why spare the goat and the pig? What about our feathered friends the chicken and duck? Let’s ban that too.

Why stop at this, ban the sale of onions, potatoes and other vegetables grown underground and let’s respect all religions.

It’s funny that the consumption or sale of beef carries a 5yr imprisonment and a 10,000 fine, whereas sexual harassment is only 2years in Jail.

We are living in a highly progressive corrupt free society, run by brilliant open minded, God fearing, honest people. 

It makes sense for these astute leaders to decide what we eat, see, wear and think, cause their decisions will bring our crime rate to zero.