THAILAND THRILLER

My trip to Bangkok was packed with a lot of "life lessons," and I'm glad I learned from it.

My flight was smooth; there were only 30 of us on the plane, so after take-off, we could sit anywhere. I arrived at Bangkok Suvarnabhumi Airport at 6:30 a.m. and started my journey to Visa control.

I filled in my application and was about to submit my Visa when the guy asked me how much money I had. I told him I had USD 200 and a credit card. He said, "NOT ENOUGH, you need a minimum of USD 300 or TBH 10,000." I had about 15K in Indian currency, but INR is as good as toilet paper. I didn't have any more money, so I tried to withdraw TBH 5000 from my credit cards, but for some reason, it didn't work. (I later found out that ICICI systems were down that day.) I was in a fix; my tour operator hadn't told me I needed a certain amount of cash with me.

I walked around the airport for about 2.5 hours, trying every ATM and exchange point to see if any of my other cards would work, but no luck.

I felt like Tom Hanks in "The Terminal"!

I finally went back to the Visa control area and sat down, trying to figure out a way to make it out of the airport. Then I saw two Indians walking. I approached them and explained the situation, telling them I needed TBH 4000 for 10 minutes and would return the money as soon as I got my Visa. They had arrived from the UAE and didn't have any money with them either, but one of them withdrew TBH 24,000 from his credit card and gave me TBH 4000. I got my Visa processed, and after immigration check, I gave him his money back and also gave him TBH 200 for his help.

I finally got out of the airport at 10 a.m. I went to the meeting point, and no one was there. I met another tour operator and asked them to call my tour operator (I didn't have my international roaming activated, so I couldn't make or receive any calls). Finally, this lady said she would take care of everything and guided me to the bus. I sat down in the bus, relieved that this episode was finally over, and decided to click a snap of the airport... but my camera was not there.

OH NO, I had left it at Visa Control in all that commotion (to get a visa, you need a snap, and I had placed my camera down at the photo booth). I rushed back through the airport, through security and customs, and was out of breath. I told them I had left my camera. They asked me to describe it, and I GOT IT BACK!!!! WHEW!

I then rushed back to the bus, my legs aching from running all the way, and finally got into the bus. I clicked a snap of myself to remind me of this experience. After a 4-hour ride, I reached Pattaya, checked in, had a bath, and took a short nap. Around 3 p.m., I went to KFC for lunch. In Pattaya and Bangkok, they mostly have seafood and stuff I can't even pronounce, so I stuck to things I was familiar with. After lunch, I went to the shopping mall and just browsed around. I found some nice pencils with "Pattaya" written on them. I tried to bargain and paid 400 baht for 10 pencils, feeling proud of my bargaining skills as she had quoted 300 baht for 5. My happiness was short-lived when I went to the shopping mall and saw similar pencils for 90 baht (5). Damn, no more shopping on the street. I didn't find anything interesting, so I went to Starbucks and then back to my hotel. After another bath, I took another short nap.

In the evening, I went to Burger King, and NO, I didn't have a burger there. I had the same thing: 1 coke, fries, and chicken. Then I took a walk by the sea, snapped a few photos of the area and myself, and headed back to the hotel. I had another bath and finally called it a night.

As you will notice from the snaps and my narration of the trip, I had A LOT OF TIME on my hands. Looking on the positive side, I got plenty of sleep and had a lot of baths. I clicked every possible angle of my room and rearranged the mini bar so that everything would be in order. Anyway, this story does not end here... I know you must be thinking, "I wish it did." ...but prepare to be bored.

OK, so where did I stop... ah yes, the next day I went down for breakfast. It was supposed to be a buffet, so I was happy as the buffets I had back home were excellent with a wide variety.

I gave the busboy/waiter my coupon, and I sure did see a lot of variety, but none that I liked. They had rice and noodles for breakfast??? And eggs that still seemed to have some life in them. There were a few other dishes that seemed so fresh they were almost alive. They can surely claim that the food is fresh, and you can see it. So I settled for toast and tasteless butter, and a glass of juice (some juice). It was purple and sweet; I have no idea what I had.  

After a scrumptious breakfast I went back to the lobby as I was supposed to get a tour of Coral Island. I asked the receptionist what time it would be, and very confidently, she told me it was at 10 a.m. So I went back to my room, and yes, you guessed it, I had a bath. At 9:30 a.m., I went back to the lobby.

I waited, and it was 10:30, no phone call or pick-up. I checked with them again. That same very confident receptionist was as confused as a toddler in a university. Her expression stated that I had asked her to explain E = mc². I waited in the reception till 1 p.m. and then went back to my room. After another bath, I went back to the shopping mall. I picked up some keychains and souvenirs for my team, and after a lot of browsing and a quick bite at McDonald's, I went back to my hotel.

I spent the next day at the shopping mall, just sightseeing as I hadn't carried enough cash and didn't want to exhaust my credit card for fear of being stranded. So one more day in Pattaya, doing absolutely nothing. In fact, the only difference between doing nothing at home and doing nothing in a foreign country is that it costs a whole lot more.

The only English channel on TV was HBO, so I watched movies I would have never ever watched. I also tuned into the Thai news channel. You can imagine how desperate I was for entertainment.

The next day, I was supposed to leave for Bangkok from Pattaya. I was pleasantly surprised that my tour operator had left a message for me, telling me that I would get a pick-up at 11 a.m.

So the next day, I didn't bother to go and have the exquisite breakfast. I decided to go to KFC and then to Starbucks. I got up at 6 a.m., had a bath, and set out to eat my last meal in Thailand. I came back, had another bath, packed my bags, and checked out at 10 a.m. I waited and waited and waited some more… at 11:30, still no sign of this guy. I thought to myself, "Oh not again, what a disaster!!!!"

Then, out of the blue, like a ray of hope, I heard someone call out my room number. WOW!!!! YEAH... finally!!!!

I later discovered that the guy/driver was there at 11 a.m., but he was looking out for a Chinese man???? (I'm sure you’re confused) So was I.

They had distorted my name; I was now "Jeng Bong," far from James Barnett. So after a 4-hour ride, I arrived in Bangkok, where everything was Bang this and Bang that.

I stayed at the Hotel Unico Leela, a nice hotel; however, the corridors were only 3 feet wide. I clicked a few more snaps of my room, rearranged the mini bar, and had baths. In the afternoon, I went to Starbucks and then headed back to my hotel. Bangkok is more commercialized, with huge buildings and really busy streets.

I received a call from the main tour operator asking for some documents, so I told them they could collect them in the evening. At around 7 p.m., they arrived, looking around as if searching for someone. I approached them and introduced myself as James. They told me they thought I was British, as they had spoken to me over the phone and didn't realize I was Indian.

I then mentioned that I hadn't received the Coral Island tour. The tour operator apologized and offered to make it up by giving me another event, like an underwater world show or something.

The next day, I got a tour of the Buddhist temples. I am guessing that tour guide assigned to me was assigned last minute as she struggled to communicate, the only English words she knew were  “Look, see, there, here, wait, come, stay, I’ll be back, and thank you.” We mostly communicated through sign language. She however was very polite.

The Temple Tour was supposed to last three hours, but everything looked alike, so I managed to finish the entire tour in under 45 minutes.

There was a huge statue of Buddha made of 18k gold, which was awesome. Then there was an even bigger statue of the Reclining Buddha. I clicked some snaps there. This was the first place where someone else clicked a snap of me, as I was alone the other times.

I bought a cup of coins, made a wish, and dropped one coin in each bowl. Since we had plenty of time to spare, she took me to the Gems Gallery.

The Gems Gallery was nice; they showed me how they polish the stones and cut the gems, etc. Again, it was “all see, no buy.”

The tour of the Temples and Gems was done, and my tour guide had no idea what to do next. We had plenty of time and nowhere to go. I sensed she was also bored, so I told her I wanted to go back to my hotel.

She was happy as she got to go home half-day. I skipped the underwater tour as I wanted to spend some time shopping. I went back to my hotel, had a shower and walked to the nearest super mall.

I hadn't shaved in four days, and people kept mistaking me for someone from the Middle East.  They spoke to me in Arabic and kept giving me menus in Arabic.

The street where I stayed was surrounded by Eastern, European, and Indian restaurants—really nice.

I went to this massive shopping complex with nine levels. The ninth level was the food court, where I ate, and then I went down to each level. I saw some really nice things. The electronics were 40% cheaper than in India, but since I was carrying only one bag and didn't want to check in any luggage (to avoid waiting at the airport when I got back), I headed back to the hotel.

I stopped by 7-Eleven to get a packet of chips. All fish-flavored, no regular chips. Finally, I found a packet of regular chips. Whew!

I spent the evening packing all that I had bought (really little) neatly, then went out to dinner. After a bath, I went to sleep.

On the last day, I had a quick breakfast. This time, there were also fruits, so I had that. I checked out of my room and waited for my pick-up.

I went through customs, and surprisingly, they didn't bother to check my bags or search me (the regular security check).

That's all.

It was an experience for me. I'm sure it could have been better with some company.

Again, looking on the positive side, I did what I said I was going to do. I learned some very important lessons and got to see a new country. So no complaints.

Looking back at what happened, it wouldn't have been so exciting if everything had gone smoothly. That's what I keep telling myself.

JOB # 1

I had just finished college and I was awaiting my results. I wanted to get a jump start on my career; I rummaged through the papers and circled a couple of jobs. I called to get an appointment for an interview.

Bi-More was the 1st on my list it was in Sewri. After a couple of phone calls using a PCO I located this small office three times the size of my bathroom and that's not too big. I spoke to the male receptionist. Who also happened to be the owner and the lead sales and marketing man, never had I met such a multi-talented skilled being.

I was hired in the 1st 3mins, which either stated that I must have been so eloquent with my introduction, that it impressed the daylights out of him or I was his only interviewee all week. I'm going with the latter.

I was asked to report at 9am the following day for my 1^st on the job learning /induction session. I was there at 9am on the dot, I was dressed in a crisp white shirt, blue tie, navy blue pants and black shoes polished until I could see my face in them. I waited patiently for about 45mins outside the locked door of the office, it was my 1st day and I didn't want to just give up without trying. then just as my patience started wearing thin,  in walks this guy (the multi-talented boss). He looked like he was dressed by a blind drunk monkey, I gave him the "was the circus in town look ?", but it had no effect on him. He greeted me with a big smile, no  apology and said "Are you ready to learn? "

I had already learnt a couple of valuable life lessons here and non were related to sales. I learnt that if you don't acknowledge or apologize for your mistakes (making someone wait) you set a bad example. Lesson learned "lead by example" and "You can't demand respect, you  earn it."

I was in for a beautiful exciting day. We took a train to town and he picked a random high rise as his 1st target. We were supposed to start from the top and work our way down, not a bad idea I thought. So I headed for the lift. "STOP" he shouted, I turned around confused. I said, “You said we should start from the top”, still looking perplexed. He nodded in agreement we were indeed going to the top, but the lift was not going to be our way up.

Stairs was he freaking serious??? stairs! 10 floors! He was serious, because he headed to the staircase and expected me to follow.
What choice did I have? It was my 1st day on the job and I had already questioned his dress sense, his intelligence and I for some reason at that time didn't want to be fired on day one. So I complied and climbed 168 steps. This is not an approximation but the actual number.

As I write this story, you will be surprised of the level of detail I remember, it’s not because I have an awesome memory but because this incident has left an indelible imprint on my mind.

So back to the story, we were at the top, not at the top of our careers, just at the top of the building. Before we entered, he took me aside and with a serious look on his face he gave me strict instructions "just follow me" and "learn". 
He stressed on "learn". 

I was going to get my 1st live sales demonstration. He was beaming with confidence. He straightened his tie and he walked in like he was going to sell water to a dehydrated man stuck in the Mojave Desert.

Hi my name is Pankaj and I'm going to change your life, the guy just looked up at him blandly and asked him what he wanted.
Hi my name is Pankaj and I'm going to change your life, was his reply. I was absolutely positive  the guy asked him what he wanted and not to repeat himself. After a 3rd powerful introduction. He said. I've got magic pens.

Whoa!!! This can't be happening. What did I get myself into? He opened his briefcase and took out sketch pens. He grabbed a paper from the guy’s desk and scribbled something on it with a white marker. And then with a green marker he coloured the area. Magically the words. Magic pen appeared on the sheet. It would have been a pretty awesome trick had it not been that guy’s important report.

The guy was fuming and yelled for security. I quickly picked up a file from a vacant desk and pretended to read and blend in. The security guard came in and literally picked him up and threw him out. I followed him 2mins later. 

He looked unfazed by the incident, and shrugged it off. We began our descent and with each floor I learnt new ways of annoying people, like walking into...sorry more like, barging into a meeting and rattling off the sales pitch. I also learnt that asking for permission was taboo and not taking ‘No” for an answer was the mantra. I watched him get yelled at cursed at and ignored. But he never relented. I admired his determination and stupidity.

One particular incident that makes me smile each time I narrate it is when he approached a young guy and after his introduction, he told him about the magic pens, and asked him if he had a girlfriend. He went on to tell him, that he could write secret messages to his girlfriend when company was around, then he looked at me and smiled with a "this is how it’s done, watch and learn" look.

The young lad just smiled and told him that he and his girlfriend were very open about their relationship and didn't have to hide anything from anyone. So he didn't need the magic pens.

Shot down again, unfazed he picked up his bag and turned around and said "your loss" and walked out.

We reached the ground floor and he noticed that there was a basement, as he proceeded towards the stairs, he was stopped by a security guard, who told him that was the storage room for all files.

He dismissed his instructions and proceeded. Along the way he told me that the security guard didn't want him to hit the mother load. There were a lot of potential clients just waiting for us.

We reached the bottom. And lo and behold. A sea of potential clients. In the form of boxes, papers, old chairs and rusty pipes. I turned around and headed back up silently.

Once we came out he told me he would take me out for lunch. I ordered a Sada Dosa and a Pepsi. Post lunch he gave me a lecture on sales and my bright future in the company. It was almost 3pm. He pointed to another high rise; I had the "I have had enough for today look".

He understood that I was exhausted and told me that we would go back to the office. At the office. He discussed incentives and targets, but no salary. He congratulated me on getting the job and I was supposed to report to work at 9am the next day.

I never did go back, for obvious reasons. At times when I'm walking through the mall and I see these magic markers. I can’t help but just laugh. That’s all folks.

The Day When Everything Went Wrong

This Story goes back 20 years; I don't remember the temperature, date, or month, what I do remember very vividly were the events that took place that day. It is etched in my memory forever. I was about to learn a very important law in life known as ‘Murphy’s Law’, for those who don’t know what this means, you will have to read on...

As a child, I was very well organized, I would ensure that my bag was packed according to the time table, my shoes polished, and my uniform ironed. Everything had to be in order. After checking if everything was in order, I set my alarm for 6am and tucked myself in to sleep. I had no idea what destiny had in store for me.

  

Beep, Beep Beep, Beep, Beep Beep, Beep... No it's not the sound of a truck backing up, It was the sound of my alarm; I had got a digital watch as a present from my uncle. I woke up feeling fresh as the morning daisy that had been struck by lighting the previous night.

  

I stretched, yawned and dragged myself out of bed, it was unusually bright at 6am, I thought nothing of it and ambled to the wash basin. After brushing my teeth and showering. I made myself a cup of coffee and started to get dressed for school.

  

I glanced at the clock on the wall, and my jaw dropped, it was 7:15am, school was about to start in the next 15mins and I was now as alert as a little kid with a sugar overdose.

I scrambled to my feet and dressed within seconds, in the confusion I forgot a certain law of nature; coffee doesn’t cool faster if you are in a hurry. So I took a big sip, only to burn my tongue, I spewed coffee across the dining table and some of it on my clean crisp white shirt that I had so meticulously ironed the previous night.

I had no time to change, I used a cloth and some soap to wipe away the spots, but it just made it look worse. Time was running out and it seemed like the seconds were ticking twice as fast, as if to mock me.

I dressed and rushed out of the house, I got on my cycle and sped to school, at 20kmph, I’m guessing that’s supposed to be quick. I live pretty close to the school, it would take about 3mins by cycle, or 10mins if I walked. So a minute into my race to school, the chain snapped, however the momentum took me within 200 meters of my destination. I ran the rest of the way, wheeling my bike along.

As I approached the school, I could see the gates close, so close but so far. I was late.

7:31am, 1 min late, 60 seconds. I was going to be marked late and I was going to get a negative remark in my calendar. So I accepted the reality and reached into my bag to get my calendar. It was not there, I was confused, I clearly remember packing my bag.

I had the ‘Oh Sh*t’ moment like a marquee bar run across my forehead, I picked up the wrong bag. I had 2 bags one black and one brown, same design and same brand, as you can see I like variety.

So I did not have my calendar, and for obvious reasons I did not have any of my relevant books for the day. Unlike other students who would lug their entire education curriculum with them, I was one of the very few who would only pack what I needed.

So now I would get 2 remarks, lucky me, I was yelled at and reminded how irresponsible I was by one of the professors who just loved me to pieces, If you dont get it, Im being sarcastic.

So I went to class and what do you know, a surprise test, right off the bat. WOW, I thought to myself, was this for real, so I pinched myself just hoping that this was a cruel dream, but it was not I just landed up with a sore arm. My next class was science, and my very dear professor who just loved me to pieces just happened to be the teacher of that class. Lucky me, really???

So with a smug look on his face, he entered the class and decided to check the homework he assigned. He usually never does it, however I guess he just wanted to epitomize the phrase of ‘Murphy’s Law’, a law I will never forget. So remark no 3 was on its way.

The next couple of classes, followed the same suite, I guess every teacher got up in the morning and decided it was important to check homework on that very specific day.

During recess, I decided to get something to eat, so I checked my pockets to see if I had any money, but as luck would have it I didn’t have any. I had left my daily allowance on the dresser. So nothing to eat, I was absolutely famished but I just had to wait until I got home.

 The next class was Marathi, my most favorite subject in the whole wide world, again I’m being sarcastic. There were 63 students in the class and out of all of them; I was singled out to read. Now for those who don’t know me, my Marathi is as good as my Chinese if you get the drift. So I struggled to read or comprehend what was written in that book, the professor didn’t seem very pleased with my fluency in the language and decided to give me a remark. I was getting used to this.

So with remarks queuing up like a car pile up on a busy intersection on a foggy day, I had accepted this cruel reality and was glad the day was almost over.

I lugged myself to the entrance of the school to collect my cycle, low and behold, it was not there. Could this day get any better?

So I walked home, It felt like an hour, I was trying to figure out if I done anything to piss God off or had he just decided to pick me to amuse himself.

I reached home to find the door locked, my mum was not home from school and my dad was at work. So I waited out in my balcony for 4hours until my mum was scheduled to get home, But Murphy had to make his point crystal clear, although I had clearly understood what his law stated by the 3rd period.

That day out of all the 365days we had that year, she was late, apparently she had a PTA meeting she had to attend, and my neighbors were also out of town. So after waiting for a total of 6hours, my mother came home.

I can’t tell you how glad I was to see her, my eyes swelled with tears as I ran towards her. All my adversities I had faced the entire day vanished in a second with her embrace. I described my entire day to her over a cup of hot chocolate and that when I learned that I had a Murphy day.

‘Anything that can go wrong will go wrong’

What I also learned was that a simple hug from someone who loves you can wipe away the most horrible day in a second.

I've had a few Murphy days in my life, and I've got through them...