Bringing the Zing Back

They say that love is blind and marriage is an eye opener. I believe that when you are in the initial stages of love you are so consumed, mesmerized and focused on impressing your partner that you lose sight and overlook any shortcomings.

Over time the butterflies in your stomach get tired and you no longer get that tingling feeling when you see your partner.  You are now more comfortable burping and farting in each other’s presence, basically you take each other’s existence for granted. The drive to impress dwindles with each passing day and over time. If you manage to pick up after yourself or put the toilet seat down you consider that a huge favor you have bestowed upon your partner.

Life can get too routine and predictable, it is at this time we have a choice to let things be, or try and bring some excitement back into your life and your partner’s life. Some veteran couples may tell you that if you have something good let it be. I however feel that you need to rock the boat and stir up some excitement to get the zing back. Even if you have managed to bring some excitement for a day or two, you are moving in the right direction.

I’ve written a couple of posts in the past about relationships and in each one I reiterate, don’t take your partner for granted  for in the midst of routine and boredom you would either neglect your partner or get into something that you should not. 

The simplest way to get back on track is to have open conversations; now having such a conversation is tough as at times we do not want to be completely honest as we fear how the other person will react. What we forget that if we aren’t completely honest we will never know how our significant other will react and we carry that burden of a secret or discontent for years.

I have seen people hide things from their partners and I know that it eats into them as they are unable to be truly honest. If your relationship is strong enough it will endure some bitter truths, however if your relationship is built on lies it will one day crumble before your eyes and you will have no time to salvage anything from it. Life is not a result of one big choice that we make, but it is a list of little choices that make us who we are.

For any relationship to be successful, you need to have those hard conversations and hope for the best.  One should never forget that a brilliance of a diamond is achieved from a piece of coal.  It is only time, endurance and immense pressure that make it unbreakable and precious. You need to learn to sift the glass from the diamonds.

The older you get one realizes that relationships are built on trust, understanding, forgiveness and love.  It doesn’t matter how much money, fame, or success you have achieved, what truly matters is for who our hearts still beats.

Freedom

Sometimes we just need to get away from our daily routines and experience something new. It could be a new hobby, a new friendship or an item from our bucket list.

Whatever we choose to do should give us the sense of freedom we've been longing for. Life can get mundane and too routine if we don't pay attention. Relationships can also lose its spark, if we don't keep the fire burning.

Overtime the once hot embers of a relationship are nothing more than a lump of charred cold ash. So if you feel, tied down, suffocated, uneasy and bored, take charge of your life and do something new.

For those in relationships, you can forge new friendships meet new people and yet be committed to your partner. But beware of getting too emotionally attached your new found friend, as it could damage your existing relationship.

Some of the signs to watch out for are:

1) If you find yourself talking about your new friend very often, you have unknowingly got attached emotionally.

2) If you text each other every single day, at the start and at the end of the day you are in a pseudo relationship.

3) If you have deleted, or feel the need to delete some portion of your text messages from your new friend, then you are either consciously or subconsciously feeling guilty or feel the need to eliminate the evidence.

4) If you start to feel more comfortable expressing your inner thoughts dreams and ideas with your new friend, you are probably not too far away from considering this person as your future partner or vice versa.

5) Sometimes we you give someone a shoulder to cry on, they get attached to you.

Life can get very complicated and if we aren't alert, we can get drawn and pulled into any direction. My advice is, have fun, experience everything you dreamed of experiencing but know where to draw the line. Because at times the line is so faint and blurred we often miss it.

Stay happy, healthy and live life to the fullest.

Avoiding Conflict - Staying Happy

The secret to happiness lies in looking only at positive aspects and not dwelling on the negative.

Yes! That is the Answer!

It's as simple as that. If you want me to elaborate read on, if you don't, put your thumb on Alt hold it down and now put your index finger on F4. For those reading it on their iPads, Mobiles - Just exit. 

For those who are still reading, I guess you have time on your hands or have not followed my previous instructions correctly and hence are still reading.

I have come across situations where people are affected by another person’s mere presence and any gesture, verbal misrepresented benign statements or any situation is perceived as a personal attack and an invasion into their space.

Such an individual will inadvertently, unknowingly seek reasons for that perceived threat and will always be on guard. 

This is a mild form of a mind disorder. It is bordering on Paranoia to read more click on this link : http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Paranoia.html#ixzz48bNBi4sG

Disclaimer :

I am no psychologist, nor do I claim to be, therefore any advice given by me in this post, is my interpretation of what should be done and not a direction for you to follow it. It is your choice to pick what you like, and discard the rest. 

Phew I feel safe now! - Getting back to my take on avoiding conflict and staying happy... I believe that if you let anything get to you, it will consume you and overpower your senses. Therefore, if you have to let anything get to you, let it be only positive experiences.

I have seen too many people self-destruct by just focusing on the negative aspects of life.

It may be harder to do, but if practiced enough it can make a world of difference in your life. Negativity and misery on the other hand loves company and catches on quickly. It can be detrimental to one's life and to his/her surrounding if we let ourselves get sucked into this dark void of negativity.

Life ain't a bed of roses, but if you keep focusing only on the thorns you'd never enjoy the beauty of the rose.

You've got one life to live, fill it with love, laughter and great memories.

Unanswered & Happy

When one has been wronged, the immediate response is to react. It's not easy stay composed or rationalize what has happened. However any reaction / action made during this time can be detrimental.

I have come across some scenarios where although justified in every respect, the consequence of the reaction proved to be more damaging than the initial impact.

In our quest to right a wrong, we may just hurt ourselves more than we expect and make whatever hope of salvage, an impossible task.

It takes a strong heart and mind to walk away from the toxicity and start afresh. I have always said, think a 100 times before you try to bring people to task.

Ask yourself these questions and then make a decision to act:

1) Will I gain anything from doing this? ( Besides personal satisfaction)
2) Will or could my actions damage my future prospects, relationships etc?
3) Would it really make any difference to my personal life if I right this wrong? ( Besides personal satisfaction)
4) Could my actions impact the people I care about?


To be honest in most scenarios that I have seen, the more we focus on getting back at others who have wronged us, the magnitude of stress and hurt we feel is 10 times worse.

It's best to Let Go, and focus on the future. You cannot undo the past and trying to make people see how wrong they have been has often resulted in a severe backlash.

Logically, very few people would admit they are wrong, and most would do everything in their 'POWER' to prove they are right.

It's a cut throat world and at times you need to be cordial with the ones who have let you down so that, you don't face great repercussions by confronting them in any form or medium.

Just remember The Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly But Surely, we don't need to bring people to task, Life will do it. - Trust Me I know it works.

Recipe of Love

God is thee Master Chef and we are all his creations. Each one of us is made with different ingredients that can be altered to a degree but can't be changed completely.

When two dishes compliment each other they make one awesome dish like mac n cheese, spaghetti and meatballs, milk and cookies, bacon and eggs and some are unique combinations like chips in a cheese sandwich or any other sandwich. 

They key over here is to enjoy the dish as a whole and not try and figure out every little secret ingredient or try and alter it's contents. What you can do is add some spice to the entire dish and accept it for the way it is. 

At times one may get tired with the same thing and get bored, rather than look for something else it's better to add a Lil zing to your dish. 

What people don't realize that every new enticing dish has some ingredients that you may not like, but that's what gives the dish it's kick / flavor. Not every ingredient will be great by itself, but a combination of all makes it unique and special. I suggest that rather than concentrate on the things you do not like, look at the things that you like.

It's important to focus on the good stuff, it makes one feel better... Trust me!

Sometimes comfort food is thee best rather than some exotic new dish. They say ignorance is bliss and I do agree in some way it is. At times when we become more aware of things, we lose our sense of appreciation of what we have. 

It's OK to want more and be happier but that's the unknown. You may think that what you will get will better but that's the risk. So if you already have something good, you need to be sure that you want to risk it all to get something that may or may not be better.

Sometimes I feel that God, doesn't like us mortals to be more aware of things that he has created. In the quest of enlightenment we may cross things we are not meant to know or acquire skills that we shouldn't have. ‎That's why God made people speak different languages when he saw the tower of Babel rise uncontrollably towards the sky. But that's just my take on things. Getting back to the gourmet meal. 

Often the same meal that you loved and invested in over time will seem unappetizing  there could be several external factors that may contribute to it. Step back try and assess the reasons why it tastes different, see what you can do to improve the flavor. 

This post is all about what can you do, cause you are in control of what you can do and you can never expect the dish to alter it's core ingredients.

So if you are ever unhappy with the current state of your meal. You have four options 1) Risk and get another meal, 2) fix the meal by adding things you like (don't try and remove the things you don't like), 3) order take-out or 4) stay hungry. 

The choice is yours make it wisely.

Don’t Aim to Please - Be Honest!

Social gatherings need to be fun and at times they are manipulated to further one’s career and avoid conflict. I have very often seen people call “XYZ” person for a function due to the following reasons: 

1) They called you for their function. 

2) They are decision makers in your career / networking opportunity. 

3) They are a close relative or acquaintance (although you seldom keep in touch) 

4) They live in your vicinity (neighbors, acquaintance’s etc.) 

5) They work with you / worked with you / former boss / co-worker.

If you notice none of the 5 reasons ever stated that you were close to them and you wanted them to be part of your social gathering.

It’s more of I don’t want to but I have to or It will look bad on my part if I didn’t call them.

Honestly, I rather attend a function ONLY if the person truly wanted me to be there and not because they felt compelled to invite me for reasons given above.

And then there are people who want to be invited for every event and will feel insulted and hurt if they are not. They force people who have a social gathering to send out the pity invite.

Now I’m pretty sure that most people will read this and agree, but will still call people from the list above, cause they do not want to ruffle feather / rock the boat.

I on the other hand operate very differently; I associate myself with people I want to be around and vice versa. I have very few close friends and relatives that I like to keep in touch with and if I do have a social gathering I will call only those people and not the rest. 

Now one can say, what if the people who you think are your close friends and relatives don’t feel the same way about you. The answer to that is simple; if one doesn’t feel the same way, then don’t attend.

I don’t and won’t feel bad.

It is important to have the right and the freedom to call someone who you feel strongly about and not be compelled to please others or fear the wrath of society, family and "friends' (aka - acquaintances)

The key in making a good guest list is to ask yourself the following questions:

1) Does this person make me good about myself.

2) Is this person someone I can rely on in time of trouble.

3) Does this person accept me for the way I am.

4) Do I feel comfortable around this person.

Now if the answers to these questions are yes then you probably have a good list. You may not have had the opportunity to test or be certain about point 2, but you would have a fair idea.

Now if you are still feeling uneasy about not inviting the rest who are close acquaintances, relatives, employers, neighbors etc. Example : They are people who you get along with, respect and at times have fun, but In short they are people who are nice to have around, but are not necessarily the people who have a deep emotional impact in your life.  Then don't invite them for the main event, but have a small party (inexpensive) to celebrate your success, marriage, anniversary etc 

At work you can distribute sweets, and for the relatives and neighbors a small party would suffice. If they choose not to come, due to humiliation of not being invited for the main event, then don't bother; you've done your part. 

"I've come too Far, I can't give up"

"I've come too Far, I can't give up"

I have often seen people make the biggest blunders of their life because they have either invested too much, emotionally or financially in a project or person. 

One should never give up when the chips are down, but one should also let common sense prevail when one sees warning signs.

This post is not to discourage anyone from getting married or quitting on something they have invested heavily in, it is post about doing what is right for yourself and listening to your inner voice.

Disclaimer: If you are offended or have other views, it's cool... don't read it. This is my and only my opinion. 

Now for the rest who still want to read further, let's continue...

The key difference between following a dream in spite of failure and calling it quits on a project or a person is execution of common sense. When you see, hear all the warning bells you need to alter the course of action. There is no point filling a bucket of water with a hole in it or trying to change the core belief or behaviour of a person. 

The reason I write this post is because I recently heard about someone who seems confused about marrying the person they have been with for a long time. 

Now let's just say if one spent time with someone for 6mths and if he/she started to have doubts, they would probably call it quits and move on. But the interesting fact over here is the longer time spent in the relationship, the hard it gets to make the decision to move on. 

Now this seems logical as the bonds of friendship, love etc. gets stronger over time. However let's add a twist of reality over here... the couple is sailing in troubled waters and each don't trust each other but because their relationship is out in the open and they had discussed marriage plans in front of friends and relatives they decide to get married. 

Reason: Fear of public ridicule, "what will people say", “Don’t want to embarrass my family" etc...
In my personal opinion which may mean jacksh** to some people, if you are unsure no matter how much time money and effort you have put in a relationship. You don't get married, period. The repercussions of taking such a decision can be catastrophic.

Marriage is a decision that needs to be taken when both (the guy and the girl) are sure about spending eternity with each other. 

You NEED to be sure. 

A decision made on factors such as - I'm getting too old and I need to settle down.
Let's have kids because my biological clock is ticking.
If she doesn't get married now, no one will marry her.

We have already paid for the wedding and have sent out invitations.

All this in my and only my opinion is absolutely ridiculous.

I'm not against marriage, but I feel that some people don't understand how serious that decision is and use the above excused to go ahead with something that they never wanted who heartedly in the first place.

Unfortunately I have been witness to a few such examples and in one instance I had told a friend (DO NOT DO IT) but it was done only to be undone a few miserable years later. Based on these examples I can tell you that, you will get those warning signals IF things aren’t right.

With regards to professional aspects such as projects investments etc some people get in too deep that it becomes impossible for them to have the courage to say "This is it". 

So my plea, to all out there who are in a situation where they are still invested in a professional or personal aspect of their life and are only in it because they have already invested too much. IF you feel that it's not right, cut the cord and move on.

Look Within

I often get lost in thought while driving, especially in heavy traffic; it beats getting frustrated at a situation that you cannot change. A few days ago I was on my way home from work and I started thinking about my life; success, fulfillment, achievement etc.

I thought about all the could haves should haves, would haves and realized that I am what I am because of the decisions I did and did not make and I was happy. Sometimes we are so focused on the things we do not have that we do not appreciate the things we do have.

Most people go out of India for their Honeymoon; some exotic beach, or private island etc... A thousand + miles away from home. Many do not realize that India is incredibly beautiful and you do not need to jet off to a remote place to spend quality time, unless you fear of being stalked by some nosy relatives or friends.

There are plenty of beautiful places untouched by man in India, you just need to look for it and Google helps.

Looking within oneself is something that is seldom done and we are constantly craving, yearning for something that we feel is better.

Some people are never happy with the way they look and no amount of exercise, diets or wardrobe changes will meet their expectations. The same principle applies to earnings. I have met very few people who are content with the amount they earn and are truly happy with their job. The rest are always looking for a better pay packet, a better job, a better life.

The hardest part is knowing when enough is sufficient. We spend a good part of our life working (Slogging) to achieve riches, fame and security in all aspects of life and we do it at the cost of our health.



By the time we have "Enough" we are too old to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Most people who amass incredible wealth die using less that twenty percent of it.



My advice is to save for a rainy day and not a level 5 hurricane. Look within, enjoy life to its fullest and be happy with what you have. You only live once so make it count.

My First Day at College

My First Day at College

I am sure that most people would remember their first day of most events in their life as each first day is filled with a certain amount of anxiety, expectations, hopes, fears and excitement. I was asked to write about my first day at college and I had to delve into the deep recesses of my failing memory and try and piece together a competent, sane, interesting essay. Going back 18 years was not very easy and it just reminded me of how old I’ve grown, but it’s nice to sometimes sit back and reminisce the good old days.

I do remember it was an extremely hot day, I was running late as I had just come back from my NIIT classes. I rummaged through my cupboard and picked the first thing I saw. I had mixed feelings about not wearing a uniform, as I found it to be very practical and it eliminated the conundrum of choosing what to wear each day. I wore a brown T-Shirt with a swordfish embroidered on it and black jeans. Walking into college, was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I was no longer a child, I would be recognized as an adult and my decisions and actions over the course of the next 5 years would basically determine my success, achievements and popularity.

After spending 10 years in an all-boys school, I was terrified and excited to finally be in the same room as the fairer sex. Most women in my class were twice my size as my pituitary glands were still dormant; I was 5.2 and a size negative 2.

The first lecture started off with a bang, as one macho smart aleck tried to impress the girls by whistling during roll call. Unfortunately the professor was not amused and she made it very clear on the first day that she was in charge, In front of 120 students she slapped him! that slap echoed the hall of the the college.

Pin drop silence; everyone was on their best behavior for the next 45 minutes. Every professor that came to our class post the first lecture was studied carefully for the first 10minutes and was ‘SWOT’ analyzed.

I spent the first day observing who I should approach and who I should avoid. I was able to bucket people into 3 categories, the Attention Seekers, Regulars and the Invisibles. The attention seekers were loud, extremely confident and looked for any opportunity to make an impression, unfortunately some gained attention for the wrong reasons, like the ‘whistler’.  The regulars were people that adjusted perfectly; it felt like they had rehearsed their first day countless times. I was one of the invisibles, I didn’t want to draw attention to myself and I did whatever I could to just blend in.

Being the son of a high school teacher made me even more cautious. I didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention. I don’t remember who I met or who I spoke to on the first day, but the friendships I forged in the first few days at college have been some of the best ones.

BE HAPPY

                                         BE HAPPY

Happiness is what we all long for and work so hard to desperately achieve it. We link happiness to wealth, power, popularity/fame and achievements. Although the following does give one the feeling of elation it is not the purest form of happiness, as it is dependent on factors that if removed from our lives will cause the opposite of happiness ie: despair.

The true and purest form of happiness lies within us, waiting to be discovered. There is so much we need to be thankful for but we take the little things for granted like the air in our lungs, the beauty all around us and our existence in the lives of other and vice versa.

If we focus on the negative aspects of our lives we will never be happy and will slowly but surely slip into resentment, despair and bitterness. Once this sets in, no matter what we achieve in life; we will always be looking for something more. 

"Happiness is appreciating what we have"

Happiness is contagious and we need to make it contagious by spreading it with others, through kindness, patience, understanding and helpful deeds.

It is achieved by making a positive difference in lives of others through our words and deeds. It is as simple as that. A simple compliment to a stranger can lighten up that person's day, Try it... it will make you as well that that person happy.

For those of you that have been on the receiving end of positive deeds, you will know. So appreciate the simple things in life and make someone smile each day. You will see that happiness come back to you ten fold.

Smile and make others smile and you will definitely be happy. 

Beef Ban

BeefBan

I am sure this idea of banning beef was given by a Cow. 

I do not know why some people are upset the government has banned the sale or consumption of beef. The article posted in the Indianexpress has given meat lovers the ‘mad cow disease’.

Now the Maharashtra Animal Preservation (Amendment) Bill that was passed when the BJP-Shiv Sena alliance was in power in 1995 only protects the slaughter of calves and bullocks, aren’t goats and pigs also animals. 

Why spare the goat and the pig? What about our feathered friends the chicken and duck? Let’s ban that too.

Why stop at this, ban the sale of onions, potatoes and other vegetables grown underground and let’s respect all religions.

It’s funny that the consumption or sale of beef carries a 5yr imprisonment and a 10,000 fine, whereas sexual harassment is only 2years in Jail.

We are living in a highly progressive corrupt free society, run by brilliant open minded, God fearing, honest people. 

It makes sense for these astute leaders to decide what we eat, see, wear and think, cause their decisions will bring our crime rate to zero.