Saturday 1 December 2012

Soulmate Search

The festive season elicits warmth and altruism. The season sparks youthfulness and good cheer. The magic of the season brings friends and family together. For me it’s a time to brush up on my “change the topic” skill. For all my single friends over 25, you know what I am talking about. 

At a wedding you will often hear, now your next, it's a pity we can't say the same at a funeral, lest it be perceived as too rude or insensitive.  Once you do happen to meet someone, the next question is when are you getting married?

If you are newly married, people will ask you “when will we hear some good news” it means when are you going to copulate without protection? - Making it favorable to create a baby.

For many years some of my family members thought I was batting for the same team, as I never spoke about any girl, I was just too shy and I didn't talk about my crushes with my family. 

They were relieved when I got into a relationship, however that didn’t work out and a year later I was single again. During the 1st month of my relationship I was asked by some people "when I was going to get married"

Now I am almost 30 (that’s what I believe and I am sticking to it) and whenever I get the privilege to meet some of my wonderful and nosey relatives or acquaintances, I get bombarded with questions.

So when are you getting married? Why don’t you have a girlfriend? Why are you still single?

I am not some hot eligible bachelor who is playing the field and has a line of girls just waiting to marry me. I am just a regular average guy who has had terrible luck meeting his soul mate. 

Some people take it upon themselves to look out for a good girl. Well I have not heard from them.

I have never been averse to meeting women and seeing where thing may lead, but the conundrum I face is deciphering the line that separates “I like you as a friend and I like you ++” 

In my previous post, I have written about how I have failed to identify when a girl is just being friendly and when she means friendly ++, in my experience I have only witnessed the “just being friendly” signs hence the confusion.

IF you have not read my previous posts then I suggest that you do read them. Understanding X

My theory states that IF you like a girl and she is happy in your presence you should be upfront and tell her how you feel.  It is a lot simpler and avoids the awkwardness later. This brings me to the qualities I look for in a woman, my list is reasonable and logical. 

1. A woman and ONLY a woman will do NO exceptions

2. Someone who truly loves me for me and accepts all my idiosyncrasies

3. Someone who I can connect with on an intellectual /emotional level

4. Someone who will not give up on our relationship if hits a rough patch

5. I should be able carry her (I can carry up to 80kgs/178lbs)*

6. Someone who will not take advantage of my, kindness and generosity.

So if you see my list is not an extensive list, it doesn’t list eye colour, race, or religion. Option 5 is not a priority but it’s a nice to have, what is also nice to have is someone who is good looking, and I say this out of sheer concern for my future kid, if we choose to have one.

My argument is very logical and it is my pre paternal instinct that makes me want the best for my child. I am aware that I don't have the best features and If my future wife is on par or average with regards to looks, what chance will our future kid have.

So to give my kid a fighting chance, I need a girl who is slightly above average in the looks department, again this is not a must have but a good to have. 

I have connected with very few women on an intellectual /emotional level; however these women liked me as just a friend and those who "liked" me eventually realized that they liked me as just a friend. I've been relegated to the friend zone so many times, I've got discounted season pass.

I've had the ooops "I'm so sorry, I thought I had feelings for you, but I realized that I don't feel like that way. I'm really are a wonderful person, don't change...we can still be friends"  or the classic, “you are a wonderful human being with a golden heart, I care about you a lot, however I cannot reciprocate the love as I am not capable of doing this, I want you to be happy so, we can only be friends” conversations a couple of times and believe me it's not something I want to hear. 

You can read about how I am from one the recent posts I've written. I am ME

I do not get flattered anymore if someone says I am nice, or sweet, or caring, cause in the end all I get is someone who just wants to be friends, so if you are an eligible girl and IF and only IF you are dead seriously interested in me, make a move or else just be honest from the start. 

I am OK with someone telling me that they like me as a friend only and nothing more, I respect that, what I don't appreciate is someone testing waters and making me believe that they do really care when they are just waiting for a better option. 

In this day and age some people think that everything can be tried, tested and returned once they are bored or suddenly realize that they aren't 'feeling it'. Some late night commercials have a 15 day money back guarantee policy, but I am not a “product” and I don't intend to be treated like one.

I have left the whole soul mate searching to destiny. I’m done trying to understand if a girl likes me or not. I am done giving it my all and getting the return to sender stamp. I am no longer the nice guy who will be the stand by option or the spare charger.

In the meantime I am focusing on enjoying life to its fullest and leaving the rest to fate.

I read a very interesting quote which says "Don't search for your soul mate, God will send them to you when you are both ready"

So the next time someone asks me why I am still single, I'm going to tell them to ask God. :)


  1. I know the feeling. People asked me this even six months after my divorce. The world is pretty crazy.

  2. I couldn't agree more! Had i had it my way, i would have been married earlier and probably missed the 'one' who thankfully is now my wife.

    My two cents of advice here: Its fine to miss a few buses in life, just make sure you are still standing at the bus-stop! Have a wonderful life my friend...


  3. The funda is this... and Iam speaking with years of should keep your options as many women as possible. Check out the one who makes you laugh and laughs at the same time that you do. Everything else will fall in place. And am so glad you are keeping all avenues open... I climbed mountains and dived into oceans to find my man, and boom! my parents found him for me just like that.

    Good luck!

  4. nice quote :)
    I could have so used that. not that i cant use it now that my parents keep asking me when I am gonna settle down since I have found a guy suitable for me.

  5. Hahaha! Yes dont search for your soulmate but make sure when you do find someone, do to the best of your abilities, to keep her!

    1. The tricky part is finding one, I'm super confident that she will be very happy to stay.

  6. ""Don't search for your soul mate, God will send them to you when you are both ready"...correct... but keep your eyes and mind open....